one page bio

Hello, hello. I hope everyone's Christmas was as awesome as mine. I wanted to share something with you that I'm proud of. Early today I applied for a job and they requested a one page bio in addition to my resume. The following is what I wrote them...Please to enjoy.

Enclosed you will find my resume, but also would like to tell you a little about myself. People would call me a jack-of-all-trades and a master of some =) They mostly call me that because I pay them to, but it also has to do with the experiences I've had. Early on in my college career I found that with a Communications degree I could do so many things, so I decided not to stick to one area, but to sample from the buffet of media.

The Adventures of Chris Della Valle, that's me by the way, started in early 2000's when he attended the Community College of Southern Nevada as a doe eyed freshman with the world on a string, and not a care in the world. Deciding not the follow in the family trade, both parents have teaching degrees, Young Della Valle set out to make it rich in the world of broadcasting. Little did he know about the perils of the broadcasting world, but that is a story for another time. While attending CCSN Chris worked at the Coyote Press where he mostly wrote movie reviews, but occasionally got the call to do a feature or two. His love for Journalism carried over when he graduated from the minors, and transferred to UNLV. There the young wordsmith got the opportunity to write about what he loved, that of course being sports. Anything and everything sports related fell in the lap of Chris. From swimming and softball, to Baseball and Basketball, Della Valle reported on them all.

Graduating from UNLV in the summer of '06, the newly crowned Communications Ace, decided to devote his time to another area of media, and turn his back on the printed word. He started work full time at CBS radio, there Chris soaked up everything people were willing to teach him. He learned so much and had a few adventures while working there as well, but once again that is a story for another time. The marriage of Chris and Radio was a happy one, and he thought that was where the story ended.

It didn't. Like most marriages, Chris' ended in divorce just over a month ago. Reeling, the once Communications Ace, was in disarray, not knowing what to do. but then a friend from the past decided to pay him a visit, that friend being the printed word. Dusting off his keyboard and thesaurus, Chris decided to take another crack at print media.

No one knows what the future holds for Chris Della Valle, but one thing’s for sure, it will be interesting.

The End

Hopefully you got as much a kick reading this as I did writing it. If you have any question my resume has my contact info. I'm looking forward to hearing from you.

-Chris Della Valle

Clash of the Titans

12 rounds of baseball

Most people ask me, "Chris what's the big deal with baseball? I mean it's not that exciting, and you and your friends sound like a bunch of nerds when all you do is talk about stat after stat. Who care about who won the N.L. MVP in 1973. It's just a game." Well my friends, let me let you in on what it's like to be a baseball fan. First off, if you think baseball is just a game please stop reading now. Not this blog, but reading in general, with your lack of brainpower, imagination, and focus, books with pictures in them would be more your speed.

But to the droves and droves of educated people out there, who know that baseball is the sport of kings, the following explanation is for you. Being a baseball fan, is like being a boxer. Both have to constantly keep their guard up against outside attacks from others looking to put their skills to the test. A boxer spends countless hours training in the ring, going over combination after combination. Perfecting his jab, uppercut, and when all else fails, his hay maker. And it's no different for a baseball fan, our gym is the baseball stadium, our ring is the box score, our 12 ounce glove is the four letter word...STAT.

Just like the boxer, the baseball fan works on combos that will leave his opponent dazed and speechless. And just like the boxer, the baseball fan has weaknesses, holes in his game if you will, that needs to be guarded at all times, or he risks losing the argument as well as his dignity.

Some fans, no matter how strong their game is, can't defend against their glaring weakness. It's like being a boxer with a glass jaw. The best you can hope for is to take down the opponent as quick as possible, before they can land a punch to the jaw, or adopted the code of the wild, only take on opponents who's ability is far inferior than their own, I call it the Wounded Gazelle approach.

Sad to say, that no matter how strong my game is, and believe me it's strong, I'll always end up on the losing end of a decision because of my glass jaw...The Chicago Cubs. Until the Cubs win a championship, all opponents have to do is land one hay maker to the park of my jaw that has, "100+ year title drought" tattooed on it and I fold faster than Superman on laundry day.

I guess until that happens, I'll have to continue to prey upon gazelles so look out Washington National and Seattle Mariner Fans.

Merry Christmas,

Chris "Bleedin Blue" Della Valle

P.S. Pete Rose won the MVP in the N.L. in 1973

Let it snow let it snow...

Holy Frozen Ice sickles Bat-man! It's snowing in Vegas. For that last couple of days I've been receiving Intel that Jack Frost has broken through the northern Nevada defenses and planned a massive attack on the Las Vegas valley code-named "powdered doughnut" for sometime Monday morning. I've heard this crazy talk before, so I didn't put too much stock into what I heard. But to my surprise I woke up this morning with a higher level of apprehension than I usually do. After wiping the sleep from my eyes I picked up my phone to check my messages. "You have 12 new messages," a flirtatious robotic voice informed me, the first one was from my brother,Frank. "Chris whatever you do, Do NOT go outside! I woke up this morning and took a look outside and all I saw was a blanket of pure white. I don't know what to do man! Call me back."

Dropping my phone to the ground I climbed on my bed to take a look outside, the other messages could wait, I had more important things to look into. How could I allow this to happen? Why wasn't I more diligent in keeping Vegas safe?? Has it been so long since my first run in with a low pressure system? Have I really forgotten the El Nino incident of 1997*?? As I peered through my blinds, I realized my worst dreams coming true.

Snow...Everywhere.

I could feel the cold boney fingers of winter crawling through the window pane and poking me in the face and I knew that it was only going to get worse. At least 1" of frozen foot solders on the ground, and I watch thousands upon thousands parachuting in to join their cold compadres. It was hard to tear myself away from the window, but I knew I couldn't sit here and watch my beloved city be overrun by and army of arctic assassins, I had to do something.

After taking a long hot shower, I figured I should at least be warm and comfortable one more time before going into battle, I called Frank, *Ring* *Ring* "Come on Frankie, answer the damn phone." As soon as the words left my mouth I heard the phone click over to voicemail, "You've reached Frank the Tank, leave a message." Ok Not Good, I need to get out there and look for him, was the only thing racing through my mind as I heard that oh so familiar beep, and hung up the phone.

If I was to get out there and find my brother, I was going to need to arm myself, but would the weapons in my

armory still work?? I haven't used them in over 10 years, I guess a part of me, a big part, never wanted to have to use them again.

Walking out the the armory a.k.a the garage I took a quick mental inventory of what I was going to need. As I opened the door to the armory, I could feel the sub-zero breath of my adversary engulf me. This is going to be harder than I thought, J.F.'s powers are getting stronger and stronger, and I'm way out of practice.

Taking a deep breath I stepped into the armory determined not to stop until I found my brother, or froze trying. My courage slowly starting coming back when I saw that my snow blower still had a half a tank of gas. This is the most valuable piece of my equipment in my fight against Jack Frost and his frosty forces. My shovel still looked like it could dish out some punishment. And I knew luck was on my side when I found my bandoleer with a dozen salt grenades in them.

Now that I'm fully equip, I want to leave a message to the outside word, warning all that reads this how to protect themselves and their loved ones from J.F.

-Layers- Layers are important to protect you from the bitter cold as well as the water dispelled from the bodies of the fallen. If you do it right, the fallen will be many.

-A red Santa Hat- Wearing one will confuse J.F.'s air forces. They will mistake you for Santa Himself.

-A full bladder- Recent studies show that by turning the snow yellow, the forces become paralyzed and show signs of cowardice.

If I don't make it, tell Jessica Alba I love her.

"Snow" no mercy,

Chris "bowl full of jelly" D.

*El Nino incident of 1997- To show his power, El Nino decided to make an example of Las Vegas' Champion. With his mystical powers of high and low pressure systems, and sudden warm and cold front, he was able to get past the immune system and harm Las Vegas' champion, Chris D. Not able to crush the spirit of C.D., El Nino signed a treaty with Mayor Goodman saying that he and his forces stay away from Las Vegas, for no less than 15 calender years.

Love attacks Saturday

L.O.V.E it's just not my favorite Nat King Cole song, but it's something much more. If we loved unconditional, without letting our bias, prejudice, fear, get in the way this world would be in much better shape.

Before I get into the meat of what I want to talk about let me add this precursor...I am not a biblical scholar, what I know about the good book, I've learned from my pastor, Dad, the little amount I actually read, and the bible category on Jeopardy. So some of the following stuff, might be a little messed up, but the message is still there. Do you remember playing the telephone game when you were younger?? Where you and your friends would sit in a line and one person would whisper a phrase into the ear of the person next to him/her and so on until the message reached the last person in line, and you ended up with something that didn't have anything to do with the original phrase. Like "He has risen" turned into "the bread has raisins" Ya I'm not that bad, but don't put it past me to throw in a few raisins =)

Now that I posted my disclaimer, back to the topic at hand. Somewhere in the bible a dude asked Jesus, what was the most important commandment? And JC basically said, Love God and Love your neighbor like you love yourself.

CAN YOU BELIEVE IT!?!? It's just that simple, but others (myself included) complicate the heck out of it. Everything else would fall into place if we followed these two commandments wholeheartedly. You wouldn't want to murder yourself, you would totally honor your Mother and Father, cause you totally honor yourself. Theft, coveting, and all those other ones I can't remember would be a piece of cake to follow all because you'd treat others the way you wanted to be treated.

It's funny all I can picture while I'm writing this is the earth populated with 6 billion Chris Della Valle's. Yes, I know a scary thought to some, but I can't help but smile.

So my challenge to you, if you're up to it, starting right now, treat others as you would your clone. If you don't know what I'm talking about, rent Multiplicity starring Micheal Keaton, or read Amazing Spider-man issues 534-553.

When you're in the checkout line at the grocery store, picture yourself as cashier, how would you brighten up your own day.

The next time somebody cuts you off, and you know it's coming, picture yourself driving the car that cut you off. You know if you ever cut someone off, yes there's a first time for everything, you would have a good reason.

I'm going to start taking my own advice and I'll keep you posted on how living on planet Chris is working out.

Check your zipper,

Chris Della Valle

P.S. I don't actually know the exact issues of Spider-man's clone saga, I not that big a nerd =)

Stuffed Turkey

Man O' Man Did I over do it this Thanksgiving. Before I talk about how much I ate and how many Miles I'm going to have to walk to burn off the 2nd slice of pumpkin pie, extra helping of stuffing, and 3rd slice of pumpkin pie =) I want to explain why Thanksgiving is my favorite "big time" holiday and what I'm thankful for.

For me, Thanksgiving is the only time a year when my family can get together and just "enjoy" each other's company. With Christmas, even though the reason for the season is great, I often find myself worrying about if i got the right presents for my family, and hopefully I didn't leave anyone off my Christmas list.

With Thanksgiving, all I have to worry about is if i put enough garlic in the garlic mash. This holiday was exceptional great because we kept it small, no pun intended, and we all had a part in preparing the feast.

What I'm thankful for:

-Family. (immediate and extended) For better or worse they shape us into who we are, and I think they made and continue to make me better.

-Health. I know this is a generic thing to be thankful for, but it's true. Too many people around me are going through medical stuff that really makes you stop and think.

-My razor sharp wit. Trust me it's there, you just have to look hard it's razor thin =)

-Not being born in Boston. Cause I would have been a Red Sox Fan. Also if I was a Bostonian I could wave bye-bye to the wit.

Hope your Thanksgiving was as great as mine.

-Chris

P.S. Just in case you were wondering, I DID use the right amount of garlic in the Mash taters.

Three Little Birds

Yes i know it's been awhile since I've lasted posted but some things have happened that kept me busy until now. "What were those things," you ask. Well my department I was, ya that's right was, working for closed down on Thursday November 20th. My staff and I knew it was coming, but as much as you prepare for something, it still comes as a shock when it actually happens. So needless to say I've been a little preoccupied, you know with all the drowning of the sorrows and what not.

Now that the dust has settled and the sorrows sufficiently drowned, i can tell you what I've learned, that heaven forbid if you ever see yourself starring down the barrel of the termination gun, might help you get through it.

One, when they say, "it's just business," that's what they mean. My staff and I did our duties, we didn't underperform in any way, but when the company needs to cut costs, little luxuries are the first to go. My department made it through four rounds of cutbacks, so I was confident that we would have made it to the "big money round" but it was either cut Research, or pay the power bill =) POWER TRUMPS RESEARCH EVERY TIME.

Two, The only way to make sure you're indispensable to the company, is to make it your company...In other words, work for yourself. Little things like tenure and loyalty mean bupkiss, when talking about the bottom line. If you have the drive, and will power, work for yourself, start your own business. Then the only way you lose your job is if the company goes under.

Finally, Leave on a high note. I never understood why people made a scene when getting laid off/fired/getting the axe/being evicted from Jobsville...etc. It doesn't help anybody. Nothing good comes from losing your cool and making a scene. Sure you might feel better in the short term, but you'll soon realize that you acted a fool. Also you let the higher ups off. What I mean by this is, you lead them to believe they made the right choice. "Wow Steve* really blew a gasket, over being let go, I'm glad we got rid of that nutjob," the Fat executive exclaimed as he took a sip from a gold-plated diamond encrusted coffee mug. A decision like that should never be easy on anyone.

Hopefully these tips will be helpful to anyone who happens upon them. In the immortal Words of Bob Marley, "Don't worry about a thing, cause every little thing is gonna be alright."

*Steve is a fictional character that didn't actually get fired, and is not a nutjob.

Conspiracy of the ages finale

I decided to go a different route on the Conspiracy of the Ages series, and I'll tell you why. I'm over it. It's no longer a big deal, and it comedic value of what/how it happened is fading fast. What I am going to do for the small group of you that wants to know what happened is this, I'll post the Ballad of the Brothers Cane at the end of this blog which will answer all your questions to what happened that faithful night at the Yard House and why I have/had a unsettling fondness for an inanimate object =)

Please to enjoy

Tis the story of the Brothers Cane
All three died, their deaths in vain
They protected a king in a far off land
They steadied his stride in his right hand
But the king’s court did not agree
They shouted, “We must get rid of the Brothers 3!”

The first to go was the eldest Pierre
Who helped the king out of his wheelchair
The court saw this and couldn’t give a heck
So a bald man named Brian Broke Pierre’s neck

The King was crushed, what was he to do?
Without Pierre his adventures were through
The middle Cane brother Lamar told the King
Yo Dawg I’ll help you for some of that bling
The King reluctantly agreed to all this
Which made the King’s court extremely pissed

This time Wang Chung was up to the task
He snatched up Lamar while the King drank from his flask
The King laughed and said Lamar is too strong for you
So Wang Chung broke him in half with some wicked kung fu
Without even thinking the youngest Cane said
“I’ll gladly help you in my brother’s stead”

By now the King was use to all of this crap
And the court couldn’t wait to spring its next trap
The King knew what was coming, spent his time getting buff
He was way more than ready for the fat man named Fluff
But that wasn’t the case for the youngest Cane bro
Because Fluff knocked off his head with one might throw

The King was too tired to continue the fight
He told all his people, “I’ve seen the light”
You did all this stuff cause you care about me
Still the next Cane I get will be as think as a tree.

Conspiracy of the ages part 1

Nnnnooooooo! Was the only thing I could say as I saw my so called friend, Ryan, hurl my cane down the deserted walkway. My heart raced as poor B-ri bounced head first off a brick wall and came to rest in a flower bed. "What the hell is your problem!" I yelled. "You shouldn't have hit me with him, and it's not like you need him anyways." Ryan exclaimed through a wicked grin. All that was racing through my mind as I struggled down the walkway was why hadn't anyone stopped him?? Sure I might have tapped him with my trusty sidekick, but he didn't have to THROW him. Why hadn't any of my other "friends" stopped him?? Were they all in on the murdering my cane?? Did Ryan pull the short straw so he had to do the dirty work?? For years now over half a dozen of these people I called friends would joke/lecture/discuss that I no longer needed my cane. They thought that it was doing more harm than good. How could something designed for aiding people do more HARM THAN GOOD?!?! Plus B-ri was more than a cane to me, it/he was the reacher of high placed objects, the pusher of vending machine buttons, he was an extension of me. B-ri is to Blanket as I am to Linus so to speak, and now he was lying helpless in a foul smelling flowerbed.

TO BE CONTINUED.

Maiden voyage of the S.S. Chris

ALL ABOARD!

It's funny, years ago I thought I wasn't the kind of person to keep a journal/diary/blog and on top of that I'd never have one that I would share with the world. But times they are a changin. In the last 6 months or so I've had a burning desire to put pen to pad and write, or in this case finger to keys and type. I don't know if it was one single moment where I decided I needed to write more or if it was many little moments where I found myself saying, "hmm wish I wrote that one down, so-and-so would have like that one."I've tried to hold off as long as I could because I thought no one out there would want to read what I wrote, also what would I write about?? There are half a bajillion sports blogs out there so I don't want to start one of those, I'm not nerdy enough to have a D&D or Comic blog (even though I think it would be a GREAT idea lol but I don't think I could handle all the wed gees) , So I'm taking the Seinfeld approach to blogging...This will be a blog about nothing =) It won't have a common theme, I will jump around from topic to topic, but I can promise you this it's going to be one helluva ride. Hopefully this will quench my typing thirst as well as leading to other opportunities.

Whenever anyone starts something new, be it a business, family, relationship, there should be a kind of mission statement that lays out what is expected from each party. The following is my "mission statement." It's short, sweet, and to the point...Kinda like the writer.

I, Chris Della Valle, being of sound mind and body declare that the aforementioned blog, Candor Corner, be a blog that uplifts, motivates, and entertains anyone who happens upon it. May it be a place that covers anything and everything that interests anyone that happens upon it. Finally may anyone who happens upon this blog find it in any way too emo or depressing, may they find Chris Della Valle and slap him in the face =)

Game On!

Chris "Can't Miss" D.