There is no joy in Mudville

I boast of many things that are more true than not,
Flip cup champ, Jack-of-all-trades, a real big shot,
But the thing I'm most proud of that gives me a kick,
is that fact that I hardly, if ever, get the flu or get sick,

The last time my immune system failed me,
was my 7th grade year back in 1993,
Pink eye, a cold, both at the same time,
and when I sneezed out flew a mist of green slime,

Most wondered how I could have gotten bit so hard,
By the flu bug when my white blood cells stood guard,
the culprit was something that came out of Reno,
It was the atmosphere phenomenon known as El Nino,

The reason I bring up this story I would like to forget,
is the flu bug's bite is once again a big threat,
Unstable temps this week are taking their toll,
In my future I see chicken soup in a big bowl,

But do not fret my loyal cadorteers,
cause I'll kick this "thing," and we can once again cheer.

Round two

In this corner standing in at an astounding 3 feet 10 1/2 inches weighing in at a robust 116lbs, Chris "Can't Miss" Della Valle! And in this corner weighing a combined weight of 1 1/2 tons, Foods Chris shouldn't be eating!!!!

That's right loyal Candorteers, it is time for me to once again get my eating habits under control and drop a few pounds. In order to do this I'm bringing back Project Sexified.

Project Sexified was developed by a team of Swedish scientists and it's purpose was to help people get away from all the negative thoughts and attitudes when dieting. It was first used in 1894 when the Sweed's shifted from Halibut to Super Models as their main export. The success of P.S. spread into most of Europe by 1948. Germany was the only exception because of Project Sexified's translation into German, Ninsexabloutan, which means No Sex for you. Clearly you can see why it never caught on.

Their are five phases to Project Sexified which have no set timetable for advancement. You body will tell you when it is time to move on, or jump back to the appropriate phase. I've listed the 5 phases below just in case anyone wants to join the project with me.

Thank you and good night.

Phase 1. Be able to walk up the stairs without going into cardiac arrest

Phase 2. Get up and go to the gym at least 4 times a week

Phase 3.The phrase live fat die happy is not acceptable a daily calorie count should be implemented

Phase 4. Cut out unnecessary calories like soda, beer, alcohol, and candy.

Phase5. LOOK AWESOME NAKED