Candor Corner

Happy half B-day to me

2010-02-08T20:42:00.000-08:00

Today I celebrate my 28th and 1/2 birthday. I know most of you think that celebrating half birthdays are childish; something kids do to feel just a bit older. Well, who cares! I celebrate off the wall "holidays" all the time. In a world were it is incredible easy to fall into a life sucking routine, it's important to find things to break the monotony. The following are just a few holidays that I've celebrated that mean something to me;

I play stick ball with friends new and old on Summer Solstice (June 21th)

I dust off the old parrot and talk like a pirate on September 19th (international talk like a pirate day.)

On April 5th I light red and blue candles, plant a few sunflower seeds, and shoot up a prayer to the old holy cow himself in hopes of this will be the year the Cubs win the world series.

So the next time you feel a little bummed and looking for a change try celebrating National Open that bottle night ( February 27th) =)

-Chris =D

Coco no moemoe

2010-01-23T14:05:00.000-08:00

It's a sad day Candorteers, Conan O' Brien's last show as the Tonight Show host came and gone. Due to circumstances that I'm sure you're aware of, Conan's stint as host was a measly seven months.

What surprised me the most about his last show was when Conan had the opportunity to speak freely on the subject of his resignation, he had all the right in the world to stick it to NBC, but he took the high road instead. The following is a excerpt of Conan O' Brien's farewell speech;

"Every comedian dreams of hosting the `Tonight' show and, for seven months, I got to. I did it my way, with people I love, and I do not regret a second. I've had more good fortune than anyone I know, and if our next gig is doing a show in a 7-Eleven parking lot, we'll find a way to make it fun....I hate cynicism; It's my least favorite quality and it doesn't lead anywhere. Nobody in life gets exactly what they thought they were going to get. But if you work really hard and you're kind, amazing things will happen."

Cone-bone went on to thank NBC for giving him his first break and more than 20 years of employment. It was good to see someone that I admire go out with class, still giving me a reason to admire them.

In one of the terms of the buy out O' Brien will not be able to do interviews for three months, and it will be an addition four months before we see Conan behind a late night desk.

All I have to say is...We'll be waiting.

Thanks,

Chris Della Valle

P.S. Poor Andy =/

Chris Della Valle II The legend continues

2010-01-20T10:58:00.000-08:00

A funny thing happened to me a few days ago. I was participating in some time wasting activity when it hit me..."Dude this is your sequeal," exclaimed my inner voice that I have a habit of ignoring. After that I took a minute to think about what I just "heard." I realized that if my life was a movie, I would be shooting the sequeal; think about it. The first CDV movie was my origin story; kid from Chicago, stranger in his own world, looking to find a place in said world. Jam packed with drama, adventure, and a splash of humor. It even left you with a cliffhanger ending; What will he do now??

CDV2TLC shows that with struggle comes change and that you can take a some good away from anything. Part two shows the hero as the fish out of water as he acquires the skills necessary to take on new trials and tribulations. I don't know how it's going to end, but excited to find out.

The reason I mention this is because a lot of us think our lives aren't very special. That we are here by chance and that no matter what we do it will be nothing of consequence. Well let me tell you that's crap! Your life is a movie, you decide if it's going to be a blockbuster or something that goes staright to video. (wait do they still make videos?? Well you get the point) Don't float through life waiting for things to happen, get out there! The good thing about being the star/director of your movie is that you get all the good lines AND you get to yell ACTION!

Get out there and yell action!

-Chris "A-lister" D.

Adios 2009

2009-12-31T11:03:00.000-08:00

We had some good times we had some bad 2009. Seen some and done some cool things. As hectic as 2009 was I'm a little sad to see it go. Things started picking up a few months ago and I'm worried that 2010 will get all the credit for 2009's hard work. Well this is my chance to thanks you properly. THANKS 2009!

Eww I got the Good on me.

2009-12-14T13:12:00.000-08:00

Happy Holiday's Candorteers (I save saying/typing Merry Christmas for the actual day)

Anyways...I wanted to make you aware of some good that happened over the weekend in the oddest of places...Philly!

That's right, Philly. The same city that booed Santa, threw batteries at many of ball player, and cheered when football players get carted off the field, went above and beyond this weekend and might even start earning their nickname.

The City of brotherly love spread some of that love during a five hour span at a local diner. It started with just one couple paying for their tab, but the tab of the table next to them; then the giving ensued. Patron after patron "paid it forward" not only did they pick up the check of another table, but even paid the tip!

Remember it all started with just one couple. Try doing something like this during the upcoming week. When you're at the drive thru, pay for the person's food behind you. When you're in line at Star Bucks give the cashier an extra five to pay for the next person in line. Let's try spreading the good in our own city.

-Chris "can't wait to go to Star Bucks" D.

p.s. if you want to read the entire story click the link below.

http://www.nbcphiladelphia.com/news/local-beat/Mystery-Couple-Pay-It-Forward-79179347.html?yhp=1

News and Notes

2009-12-03T16:45:00.000-08:00

Two quick things I wanted to share with all my Candorteers. First off, I want to officially hop back on the UNLV Runnin' Rebels bandwagon. Thanks to the generosity of a few friends; Danielle, Matt, and Trish I'm talking to you, I had the opportunity to go to a few Rebel games this season. Ever since the early 90's I've been a fan of UNLV's basketball program or what I'd like to call, Las Vegas' closest thing to a professional sport, but my interest wavers from time to time. Glad to say my interest has once again been rekindled by none other that Coach Lon Kruger. Before Coach Kruger arrived, the Rebels were mediocre at best, making it to the NCAA tourney only once in the 21st century.

But happy times they are here again, and it has something to do with the way the Rebels are Runnin'

Go, Fight, Win! (or go, white, red,)

Lastly, I have a movie recommendation that I want to pass along. If you get the chance please go out and see, "The Blind Side." It's a true story that will warm even the coldest of hearts, I'm talking to you Brian. I don't want to get into it because I'm afraid I'll give to much away, but give yourself a Christmas present early and go see that movie.

Thanksgiving Pirates!

2009-11-30T21:42:00.000-08:00

Captain "Cook" log entry 256

The morn was looking promising this Thanksgiving; football was on the tube, the turkey was in the oven, and I was ready to embark on a voyage through the Mashed potato isle to Cranberry coast, when tragedy struck...Food Pirates!!!!!

For years now my contribution to my family's Thanksgiving feast was the garlic mashed potatoes. My Niece and I had the process down pat. We knew who was going to mash, peel, chop, and stir. To my amazement, most years they were actually edible.

This year Tragedy struck!!! Pirates overthrew mine and Amore's operation and not just any Pirate, the Dread Pirate Sookie sailed into the kitchen and demanded surrender.

Sauteed Sook, as she is known around the world, decided that our GMP's weren't up to snuff and made some of her own. I don't know if it was because she sauteed the garlic instead of chopping it, or the fact that they were GMP's made with love, but they weren't the same.

But this isn't the end of the S.S. chop and peel. We will regroup and comeback next year with a fiery vengeance.

Happy Thanksgiving Eve!

2009-11-25T13:21:00.001-08:00

Twas the night before Thanksgiving and all through my home

My family began their fast, their tummies did groan

This has been tradition for many of years,

even though when I was young it brought on many tears

But it would be worth it on this turkey day

Cause I am to turkey as a cow is to hay

When I sit down to begin my thankful feast

It won't be pretty no not in the least

Turkey and stuffing piled high on my plate,

And when I'm done with all that pumpkin pie does await.

When it is all said and done the sight will be grim

Cause I'll have gained five pounds, now it's off to the gym.

HAPPY THANKSGIVING CANDORTEERS!!!!!

WOWZAH!

2009-10-22T22:24:00.000-07:00

I came across the following story while I was on yahoo about to check my email. The title of the story is what caught my eye. In a world where all things Religion are put on the back burner it surprised me to read; "Robber hands over gun to victim and prays," on Yahoo's home page. Being the curious person that I am I had to learn more about Angela Montez A.K.A. the Check cashing Christian.

When Gregory Smith, alleged robber, stormed in and demanded Ms. Montez A.K.A. Princess of Prayer to empty her drawer full of cash, she kept a cool head and did the only thing she knew what to do...pray.

She told Smith that he was too young to throw his life away, and began to pray, telling him to join in. Soon enough Smith gave Ms. Montez A.K.A. Faith Fairy his only bullet and opened the flood gates to his soul.

What faith and courage Angela Montez had to have to do something like that and put herself out there. In doing so she might have saved that young man's life.

WAY TO GO ANGELA!!

If you want to learn more about Angela click the link below.

http://abcnews.go.com/GMA/angela-montez-prays-armed-robber-leaves/Story?id=8875272&page=1

In case you don't know...

2009-10-16T13:36:00.000-07:00

I'm a bit of a nerd. I'm proud to say that as well, I wear the badge proudly. I even made nerd cards for my friends and I to determine what level we are. There are four levels; Bronze, Silver, Gold, and Adamantium =)

The reason I stated this is simple, I wrote a fictitious ballad for a friend of mine and wanted to share it with the rest of you. Hope you enjoy.

Hello Brave Stonecutters, even though you might not know it I was there the night you fought bravely against the Wind Hag. The way you came together as a team inspired me to write a ballad in honor of your guild. I hope you enjoy it. I would like to let you know it's my second most requested story I tell, right behind the tale of "Sir Viagra and the Amazons."Please to enjoy.

Hail travelers far and wide
Where were you the night The Wind Hag died??
She was dispatched as easily as a hot knife through butter
This feat belongs to the mighty Stonecutters

It all started on a night much like this
When the Iksar monk stated with a quite hiss
“Let’s kill that old wind bag, her butt and my boot
And when she falls down I call Dibs on the loot.”

The rest of the guildmates rolled their eyes and agreed
That The Wind Hag should die for all her evil deeds
Off they went ten heroes in all
To a land far away to start the epic brawl

Many miles they traveled over land, swamp, and sea
Not once did they stop, not even to pee
While they walked, plans the heroes did make
This battle would be tough no room for a mistake

They all gathered round the Wind Hag’s ancient tower
The Co-leader reminded them of her mighty wind power
“She can knock back the biggest tank with such ease
Not using much power maybe a slight sneeze.”

And don’t forget she can summon friends if things get to tough
Oh I almost forgot that Mez, Jag, and I still need to buff.”
Spell after spell were cast on the heroes
When it was all done the team’s mana was zero

“The time is now,” yelled the fully armed feline
“Give it everything you got, in Hell she will dine!”
The Stonecutters caught the Wind Hag off guard
Blood flew everywhere and feathers were charred

But the Wind Hag had a few tricks of her own
Cause when she finally fell the heroes weren’t alone
Elementals of Air popped up in her place
And beat on the heroes some lives they did erase

When it was over the Stonecutters were still there
The Heroes all smiled victory they did declare
So monsters of every shape and size
Do whatever you can not to run into these guys

The cursed replay button!

2009-10-15T17:28:00.000-07:00

Are you kidding me!?!? I have had the same song playing in my head for five straight hours. Sure the first couple of hours I was really digging it and even sang along, but now it's starting to wear on my nerves. Please tell me I'm not alone, I hope other Candorteers out there know where I'm coming from. Tell me you too know the annoyance of "Looping Lyrics." How/why does this happen??

Is it because the song stuck in my head, this damnable "earworm," matches my current mood??

Or is it my subconscious trying to tell me something?? If "Blue Suede Shoes" is stuck in my head, does that mean I need to go shoe shopping?? If "Brick House" is on mental repeat does that mean I should pick up a realty guide, or have my brothers and I build houses of Hay, Sticks, and Bricks??

Wait do you hear that, =D ya me either! I think it's finally gone, finally gone! Oh happy day!!!

Sometimes it's about...

2009-09-16T11:13:00.000-07:00

putting a smile on my own face.

Hello once again Loyal Candorteers I've decided not to make you wait another week for your next glimpse into the "corner." Every 3rd Wednesday of the month for the last year and a half the group I graduated with, along with some new faces, have gotten together for our monthly Pancake Breakfast.

This gives us a chance to catch up with one another without Life getting in the way. We talk about what's going on in our lives over a hot breakfast and a bottomless cup O' joe.

The reason for this back story is I usually send out a reminder email and try to make it amusing for all parties involved. I was pleasantly surprised with how September's email turned out and I wanted to share it will you.

So without further Ado...The Pancake Breakfast Email Reminder (I think I need to work on the title)

Here ye! Here Ye! Another Pancake Breakfast is upon us. Thou est would like to most humbling apologize for mine absence in month's past.

Be we shan't focus on thine past, but henceforth focus on the future, where greener pastures await!

Before our fellowship can meet we need to contemplate where thine meeting will commence.

Should the Meeting of Kings take place at the house where people flock from borders far and wide to enjoy the pancakes of the lords, or shall we commence the meeting on top of the hill littered with blueberries??

Or is there more of a Divine location where we can meet?? Say the original house where the first pancake was birthed???

Please send ye fastest messenger back to thy location to whence this message was sent.

This lord thankith thy patience in reading this message that was scribed in the language of Ol'

-Chris

Post Script

Topics that we will be discussed during our monthly congregation include;

-Lord Ostopuck's upcoming appointment to the alchemist to repair the damaged shoulder.

-Upcoming day where we internationally talk in the Pirate tongue.

-What should be done with the Turks?

-The Plague, fact or fiction?

-What's is the best way to tell if someone is a witch?

-Should Minotaur's be used while interrogation spies??

-Anything else the attending Lords wish to speak upon.

The Sport of Kings

2009-09-13T20:23:00.000-07:00

Candorteers, I feel that it is my duty, neh my calling, to once again champion the sport of Baseball and explain why it IS the greatest sport on the face of the Earth, and maybe even the universe (the latter is yet to be proven because scientist are still trying to harness cold fusion that will be used for space travel). This all came about yesterday when I was out with a few friends and they wouldn't stop talking about how excited they were that the NFL started tomorrow, and "It's great that there's finally a real sport to watch." When I tried to explain how wrong they were and how they could have been enjoying sport's version of Heaven on Earth all summer long they scoffed and refused to listen. Well now I get a chance to give my rebuttal to why baseball is not only better than football, but why baseball is the greatest sport ever.

-Generally the masses are asses the masses like football over baseball which proves my point but I'll keep going to really drive it home.

-People complain about how baseball is slow, but baseball is a thinking man's game, it's not slow it's about the battle...maybe you're slow.

-"Quarterbacks have to ask the crowd to quiet down. Pitchers never do." - Thomas Boswell in 'Why is Baseball So Much Better Than Football' (1987, The Post)

-The nicknames are better in Baseball; The Flying Dutchman, Mr. October, Iron Man, and who could say Yogi doesn't make ya smile when you hear it.

-Having 162 games a year is 10.125 times better than having 16.

-Baseball is timeless, you can compare the demi-gods of yester year to the superstars of today. Football wasn't even the same sport 50 years ago as it is today.

-The Baseball Hall of Fame is in Cooperstown NY, the Football Hall of fame Canton OH. Have you ever been to Ohio??

-Baseball is more democratic, everyone gets a chance hit, field, and make a play.

-In Football if you're fat they stick you in the offensive line, In baseball if you're fat you're an offensive threat.

-Football has a time limit, 60 minutes then it's over, Baseball can last forever and do you know why that is?? You can't put a time limit on Greatness.

...And that is why baseball is the greatest sport ever.

Boom!

Show me the MONEY!!!!!!!

2009-08-26T23:09:00.000-07:00

We live in a world than is all about the here and now, but every once in a while I find myself taking a little trip down memory lane and more times than not it's enjoyable.

My most recent "time traveling" adventure happened a few hours ago when I happened to come home to find my Mom watching "Jerry Maguire," a great flick from 1996. Now it's been awhile since I've sat down and watched the exploits of Tom, Cuba, and Rene so I decided to get reacquainted with my old friends.

After settling into my custom made Adirondack chair, popping open and Diet DP, and putting the phone on vibrate I started watching. To my surprise I forgot how much I enjoyed this movie. I might go out on a limb and say everything you need to know about life you can learn from "Jerry Maguire."

-How do you get out of a fight with you're significant other...you say, "You complete me."

-What do you say during contract negotiations...you say, "Show me the money."

-When you're stuck in an awkward conversation and have know idea what to say...you say "Do you know the human head weighs eight pounds?"

Boom, case closed.

Chris "Ambassador of Kwan" D.

Lead where you are

2009-08-09T19:03:00.000-07:00

'Ello 'ello my beautiful Candorteers. Wanted to hop on to assure all my loyal fans that news reports are not correct, I am alive, I didn't drink myself into an alcohol induced coma over my Birthday weekend =)

I also wanted to recap how the Leadership Summit went this past Thursday and Friday. Overall I had an enjoyable experience listening to people that were as different as you and I, but came together under the common bond of Leadership. The speakers not only talk the talk, they walk the walk.

I found more than a few valuable pieces of info while I was there and I hope after you're done reading, you will leave with you're own nugget or two.

Please to enjoy.

First up was a man by the name of Bill Hybels, besides being a well renowned author he is also the founding pastor of the Willow Creek Community Church.

Pastor Hybels talked about navigating through the Rouge Waves that life sometimes brings. When these Waves threaten to throw your boat of course what do you do to get back on course?? What is your replenishment strategy?? A leader has the innate ability to give of him/herself, but there is only so much in the bucket. We need to have a plan to fill up the bucket once it starts getting low. Ask yourself what fills your bucket, is it vegging out in front of the TV, is it taking a long walk, it can be anything.

Make sure to have a Replenishment Strategy.

Next up was visiting professor from the London Business school, Gary Hamel. Prof. Hamel had a wealth of knowledge to pass along that had to deal with management, success, and overcoming denial.

Much like everything else in life, denial has a pattern, and if we are able to recognize this pattern we can break past denial and get on with correcting the problem.

Denial Pattern has four steps; 1) Dismiss- we tell ourselves nothing is wrong, 2) Rationalize- this is where we make excuses, 3) Mitigate- this is where we realize there is a problem, 4) Confront- well this is self explanatory =)

Harvey Carey wrapped up day one with an impassioned speech about breaking the huddle and play the game. Carey explained that you can have all the tools and plans of attack in the world but if you don't get out there and start using them, what's the use?

Some people suffer from Paralysis of Analysis. Which means we are so busy thinking everything through we fail to get off out butts and go do something, and Pastor Carey knows a little something about getting out there and acting. He leads a congregation in the poorest zip code, in the poorest city, in the state in the country, but does that stop them from breaking the huddle and playing the game?? No way, if you want to learn more about how Harvey Carey breaks the huddle and plays click here http://www.harveycarey.org/

There were other orators that had interesting things to stay and I will be incorporating what I learned from them in later Blogs, but I wanted to highlight these three people to get you thinking.

Remember to replenish your bucket, break the denial pattern, and get out there and PLAY THE GAME!

2009-07-27T23:15:00.000-07:00

Dear Liver,

Hey, I know that we’re not on the best of terms right now, so I thought I’d drop you a line to see how everything was going. First off I do want to apologize for this weekend. I know I’m not a kid anymore and you, along with stomach and brain, have “gently” let me know that our prime partying days are behind us. I feel like every time we hang out and get “loose” it takes us longer and longer to get back on speaking terms and I think that’s partially my fault. I say partially cause Brain is a really convincing and it’s hard to say no to that guy. But I’m not writing you to point fingers, I’m trying to tell you I want you back. I swear I’ll change, I promise I won’t keep you out to all hours of the night, keeping you busy filtering this and that. But we had some good times right?? I mean last year’s Mexico trip was pretty fun, and how could you forget Century Club of ’07?

Just try to remember the good times huh?? I don’t think I can go on living without you, it feels like you’re a part of me and I wouldn’t know what to do without you. So please baby come back I promise it will be nothing but Spinach, Garlic, and Wheat germ from here on out.

Love,

Chris “you’re not Chopped in my eyes” D.

Two greatest words in the English Language

2009-07-14T11:22:00.000-07:00

De-Fault. So I received a call yesterday from Steve, a representative for Karaoke Star Magazine, and he had some exciting news. Steve explained that the finalist in the Standards and Broadway category had a previous engagement and couldn't make it to the competition. Since I was runner up, Steve wanted to know if I would be interested in competing in the Finals. I told him I would have to think about it and would get back to him.

I've been in a weird mood lately and didn't feel like "performing," but I wanted some advice before totally turning down the opportunity. I decided to call my local go to guy, Frank, to see what he had to say on the subject.

Frank explained that if you see an opportunity it's your job to take it. He also said that just because you feel crappy (not the exact word he used) today, you might not feel crappy (again not the exact word he used) on Sunday, then you'll really kick yourself for not taking the opportunity.

I thanked Frank for his sage like advice and called Steve back and told him to count me in.

I'll be performing this Sunday at the Orleans main ballroom at 4pm. Don't know if it's a free event, but if it is, you should come down and cheer me on.

Still don't know what song I'm going to sing but I know it won't be anything by old blue eyes. I might bust out some Bobby Darin.

Wish me luck.

What's in a name?

2009-07-09T15:04:00.000-07:00

On Wednesday I was invited to be a guest on the Alan Stock radio show here in Vegas to discuss the proposed banning of the dreaded "M" word that's Midget to all you people out of the know.

If you're not familiar with what's going on in the news I'll give you a recap. NBC aired a episode of Celebrity, I use the term Celebrity loosely, Apprentice where they were throwing the "M" word around like it was going out of style.

A few Little People (appropriate term btw) got up in arms about the episode and started a letter writing campaign to NBC as well as the Federal Communications Commission.

Alan Stock, much like most of you giants out there, didn't see what the big deal was about the word. His Board Op, Nick Steele, explained that the "m" word was just as bad a to a little person as the "n" word was for black people.

Alan was intrigued by this and Nick told him he knew a real live LP (that's me) and said that he would be willing to come on air and school the thousands of uninformed people in Vegas.

So I went on Wednesday morning to talk about the history and try to shed some light on a very sensitive subject. I'm sad to say that I wasn't as prepared as i like but I thought I Championed the cause well.

Of course there were some people that didn't understand why the term was frowned upon and thought that "we" were being over sensitive and what about free speech and all that stuff?!?

But a journey of 1,000 miles begins with one step. So that was me stepping =)

You asked for it you got it

2009-06-25T23:43:00.000-07:00

Every since the 3rd annual Summer Solstice Streetball Spectacular completed last Sunday Candorteers from all around the globe have been asking for yours truly to post what happened. I've tried all week to fully capture what happened that sunny day, but every time I start to think back, my hand starts to shake, my mouth gets dry, and I get light-headed.

Since I couldn't write it myself I asked my friend, Sunny Stevens, reporter for the Las Vegas Sun, if I could copy and paste his story. Being the good friend that he is, Sunny was more than willing to allow his story to take up residence at Candor Corner.

If you like what Sunny wrote let him know, you can email him at Myimaginaryfriend@fakie.com

Location, Location, Location. These words hold as true in the world of realty as they do in the Streetball world. Location played a big part in the 25-to-9 massacre that took place at Old Castle Field, last Sunday.

Veteran starting pitcher Chris "Can't Miss" Della Valle seemed to have trouble locating his pitches. When asked if anything was wrong Della Valle replied, "Ya I had a tough day out there, I had trouble throwing my change-up for strikes, but you really have to tip your hat to Matty's team, they played better than us today."

Della Valle went the distance giving up all 25 runs, only 7 earned, while striking out 13 batters. A depleted Home Team bullpen forced Ryan Flynn, manager/third base, to keep Chris in there for the duration, "I felt bad having to leave Chris in there so long, but I thought he was our best option and our defense let him down on more than a fair share of plays."

The Home team committed 18 errors on the day, a StreetBall record. "All I'm saying is that it looked like we were playing with frying pans taped to our hands," explained Flynn.

This was Della Valle's worst outing in his 20 year career, begging the question is it time for "Can't Miss" to change his name to "Can't do this?"

"Sure I know what people are saying, that I've lost some velocity on my fastball, or that my life away from Streetball is getting in the way, well I only have one thing to say to my critics, [expletive deleted]."

This reporter wonders if Della Valle showed the same amount of intensity in the interview room as he did on the mound, the outcome might have been different.

The main low point in the day for Della Valle was in the 5th inning when he gave up a grand slam to arguably the worst player in StreetBall history Jose Duran. Duran, a career .083 hitter against Della Valle, connected with a hanging change-up and hit it an astounding 408 feet, putting the game well out of reach.

"Streetball been very very good to me. Mr. Chris is a great player and a great human I am very very happy that I was able to hit grand slam off him. Today I am happiest man on the face of the Earth," explained the struggling Duran.

To put in perspective how improbable the Duran grand slam was, sports historians are ranking the feat between the 1980 U.S. hockey team defeating Russia and Michael Phelps performance in the 2008 Olympics.

"Hey every dog has his day in the sun, let [Duran] enjoy it. I'll take the winter off and re-evaluate things. I don't want this one start to tarnish my legacy," Della Valle explained.

There's always next year champ, always next year.

There is no joy in Mudville

2009-06-17T20:17:00.000-07:00

I boast of many things that are more true than not,
Flip cup champ, Jack-of-all-trades, a real big shot,
But the thing I'm most proud of that gives me a kick,
is that fact that I hardly, if ever, get the flu or get sick,

The last time my immune system failed me,
was my 7th grade year back in 1993,
Pink eye, a cold, both at the same time,
and when I sneezed out flew a mist of green slime,

Most wondered how I could have gotten bit so hard,
By the flu bug when my white blood cells stood guard,
the culprit was something that came out of Reno,
It was the atmosphere phenomenon known as El Nino,

The reason I bring up this story I would like to forget,
is the flu bug's bite is once again a big threat,
Unstable temps this week are taking their toll,
In my future I see chicken soup in a big bowl,

But do not fret my loyal cadorteers,
cause I'll kick this "thing," and we can once again cheer.

Longest survey ever.

2009-05-25T18:48:00.000-07:00

Had a hard time getting my mind working this evening so I decided to hop on Myspace and take a survey to get my mind going. Little did I know that I was about to take the longest survey in the history of the world. If you have 10-15 minutes to burn take a look at it, it's mildly entertaining as well as informative.

1. What is your favorite sport to watch?
Baseball all the way

2. Favorite website?
Yahoo.com, myspace, facebook, urban dictionary, youtube, wow I spend way to much time on the comp.

3. For a girl: short or long hair?
Long

4. Would you give money to a hobo?
Nope I'd give him a satchel and a can of beans. That's all a Hobo really needs.

5. Shower or bath?
Shower

6. Who is your enemy?
El Nino.

7. Do you like poetry?
I like poetry this much is true, and if you gave it a chance so would you =)

8. Last time you cried?
At my Friend funeral. =/ I just realized that the first three letters of funeral is Fun. BBOOOOOOO!

9. Where is your hometown?
Chi-Town IL, But I'm considered a Vegas boy

10. Would you pretend to be someone's bf/gf?
Yup I had to pretend to be my bosses Husband so she wouldn't get deported to Canada. Oh wait that's the plot line to the Proposal.

11. Rock or rap?
Both

12. Do you have any pets? Why?
I have two dogs, because they're man's best friend duh.

13. Have you ever been on a cruise?
a few times. I want to go on a cruise to Alaska. Who's with me?

14. One rumor that's been spread about you:
That I moonlight as a stripper

15. Lipton Ice Tea or Nestea?
Lipton

16. Have you ever shoplifted?
Yes when I was four years old. What I didn't know any better get off my back!

17. Favorite athlete?
there's this streetball pitcher I follow I think his name is Chris Something

18. Do you like taking surveys?
ya but I’m starting to wonder why.

19. What is your lucky number?
isn't telling someone your lucky number unlucky?

20. Hot or nice?
What the hell kind of question is this, Hot or nice WHAT!?!

21. What is the longest you have gone without sleeping?
Back in my EverQuest days I probably stayed up close to 40 hours once. Man Eff that game!

22. Have you ever been asked out?
Not really

23. Can you whistle?
see answer to number 22

24. Last hug?
Last night

25. Do you ever cook?
No I'm bad at that, I really need to learn how, any takers??

26. Have you ever gone skinny dipping?
nope and I'll use one word to tell you why...shrinkage

27. Have you ever been in love?
naaa I'm dead inside

28. Abercrombie or Hollister?
Wal-Mart what What!!!!

29. Would you lie to your best friend?
Would I!?! I do on a regular basis

30. Have you ever been on a boat?
And don't you ever forget! I'm on a boat straight flipping burgers! You at Kinko's straight making copies!!!

31. Pain or no gain?
Pain is weakness leaving the body. Give me pain!

32. Are you ghetto?
I’m hood =)

33. Who is the fattest person you know?
Damn this isn't a very nice question to ask, I'm not going to answer this because I'm afraid He/she will get mad and try to eat me.

34. Would you live on another planet if it were possible?
yes only if it was populated with hot green chicks from Star Trek. You know what they say, once you go green, you won't leave the scene!

35. Do you believe in aliens?
umm ya.

36. Have you met anyone in real life after meeting them online?
no way there are only creeps online.

37. Have you ever been in a movie?
nope no matter how many times I've been asked, "hey haven't I seen you in..."

38. Fridays or Ruby Tuesdays?
Fridays

39. What do you think of reality TV?
It's the worst kind of television there is.

40. Do you consider yourself religious?
Yes I would like to be even more so

41. Do you still use film for cameras?
no way jose.

42. Lonely or lovesick?
neither I'm actually doing ok

43. Do you like the band Nine Inch Nails?
eh there ok

44. What is your screen name?
ivymann99

45. Do you like rock climbing?
HA! Rock climbing is wasted on me; I would like to start hiking however.

46. Have you ever smoked?
I smoked a cigarette in 5th grade and it was horrible.

47. What is your favorite female name?
Jennifer.

48. Is it Pet's Mart or Pet Smart?
is it who cares, or WHO CARES

49. Flip-flops or slippers?
it's all about them Flippy-Floppies.

50. Do you like walks in the park?
eh not really

51. What's the most common name you know?
Brian

52. Have you ever bought a car?
sure have, I've even stolen a few in my day.

53. You or your love?
see once again what kind of question is this??

54. Do you sing?
I think I'm better than I actually am. I did however came in second at a local Karaoke contest.

55. Orange juice or apple juice?
Juice what is Juice?!?! I want some drink!

56. Do you have a crush right now?
ya I usually always have one or two

57. What is your hair color?
dark brown

58. Do you play an instrument?
I try to play the harmonica

59. What's your favorite color?
forest green

60. What do you do most when you're bored?
read or bug my brother

61. What size shoe do you wear?
a size 6 quadruple E. I swear I have elephant feet.

62. What is your dream job?
Late night talk show host.

63. Why are they called fingers if they don't fing?
I want to meet the person who created this survey and punch them in the face.

64. Would you eat sushi?
I have and I will again.

65. What's your favorite store?
Front row sports

66. What is your favorite hair style?
I like my hair like I like my women. Short and Sassy.

67. Would you have plastic surgery?
sure would. Now that I'm incredible buff I'm thinking about getting knuckles reconstruction surgery. So I can harness the full power of my awesomeness.

68. Abortion or adoption?
Well being an adopted person, I'd have to say adoption.

69. If you could punch one person, who would it be?
ARGH the person who created this survey. I will find you oooohhhh and when I do...POW, WHAM, BLAMMY!

70. Have you ever committed suicide?
See what I mean, what kind stupid question is this??

71. Have you ever cut yourself?
Not on purpose

72. Cars or planes?
Flying Car??

73. Do you wear deodorant?
I better, I live in the desert and I run H-O-T.

74. Favorite month?
June or August

75. What's one unique thing about you?
My ears are rock solid.

76. You're having a bad day. Who do you want to talk to?
Brother or Pops

77. Do you drink alcohol?
I have been know to dabble

78. Boxers or briefs?
Boxers

79. Do you own a camera phone?
sure do, doesn't everyone, I mean it's not like we're living in the 20th century

80. Do you like the band The Shins?
Na I'm a bigger fan of the feet, they really play some toe tapping music =) get it Feet...Toes...oh man I'm funny

81. How easily do you trust people? Why?
It takes a while to be accepted into my circle of trust.

82. If you could change one thing about yourself, it would be:
two feet taller and knuckles of steel.

83. Right handed? Left handed? Both?
Lefty

84. Who is your favorite person?
Man I love me some me.

85. Do you like cats?
BAAA! Can't stand them.

86. Sneakers or flip-flops?
see know he/she are just repeating questions. Come on!!

87. Do you want to go to college?
I've went to college and I'm hoping I don't have to go back.

88. Do you eat meat?
yes I do mostly chicken

89. Good or evil?
I'd say 80/20 good

90. Favorite type of sock?
ones that fit

91. Cappuccino or coffee?
Coffee, but nothing beats a Xyeince energy drink.

92. Have you ever been arrested? Why?
no way! I do have warrants though, but let's keep that between you and me.

93. Who is the stupidest person you know?
the author of this survey.

94. Where did you get your last email from?
Monster

95. Would you be president if you could?
No way it takes a special kind of person to do that. I mean I'm pretty special, but I know my limitations

96. Do you celebrate Hanukah?
nope

97. Would you sell your soul to the Devil?
absolutely not!

98. Where do you live?
Vegas baby

99. Where is your favorite place to be?
chillin in my brown chair in my room.

100. What's the sickest you've ever been?
HA!!! I don't get sick.

2009-05-20T03:34:00.000-07:00

Candor Log Star Date 1469.333

After drinking an unhealthy amount of caffeine I have found it hard to fall asleep. Even now knowing that I have to be up and out of the house in just three and half hours, I stare longing at my bed, wishing that the Sandman would lift his boycott and allow me to once again trade with Dreamland.

But Alas, sleep is not in my future. Damn that delicious thirst quenching beverage known as Diet Dr. Pepper!! Why did I have to have not one, not two, but three caffeine filled concoctions?!? Aww they (whoever they are) say that three is a magic number, and in this case it holds true. Because after three Carbonated criminal's my ability to fall asleep has...disappeared.

So instead laying in bed, waiting for the caffeine to filter out of my body, I decided to get up, hop on my computer, and look up remedies for a sleepless night. After searching and not finding any remedy to my liking I wanted to share my pain with my fellow Candorteers.

Thank you for listening and sweet dreams =)

Pigs can't fly but they sure can FLU!!!

2009-04-29T01:36:00.000-07:00

I don't want to alarm you but it's the end of the world as we know it. Since reading the "Left Behind" series as well as "The Stand" I consider myself an expert in all things Apocalypse and I'm hear to tell you that the swine flu epidemic has all the makings of the "Big One." Not because of it's highly contagious or the lack of an effective way to fight it (besides washing your hands), but because of what it will do to the bacon lovers of the world. Soon fast food chains with strip bacon from their menu's. Pork chops will be a thing of the past. Shady individuals in trench coats waiting in dark alley's will be the only place a person can get their swine on. Droves of greasy handed, pork lovers will soon take to the streets moaning, "baaaaaaacon, baaaaaaaacon." People nationwide will loot Piggly Wiggly in search of, "Pink Gold." The national guard will be called in to re-establish order, but will be severely out numbered, not to mention out weighed. Wall Street will be overran with the walking over-fed because they heard brokers were trading Pork Belly Futures. Sadly, Miss Piggy will be viciously attacked at a Wal-Mart opening in Branson MO.

Hopefully I'm wrong, but I've spoke with numerous experts of the subject and we have concluded that it is only a matter of time before the pink menace gets the Earth in it's dirty hoove.

News and Notes

2009-04-20T23:21:00.000-07:00

Hey there Ho there my fellow Candorteers!

Wanted to let you in on a few upcoming events I'm going to be participating in. Hopefully you'll be able to join me.

Thursday April 23rd 7:00pm til ???- This event has held a special place in my heart for years now and I don't think it will be going anywhere for years to come. This Thursday is the first Thirsty Thursday/Dollar Beer Night at Cashman Field. Years ago the Nevada brain trust came together and decided to marry the greatness of minor league baseball with the deliciousness (yes it's a word and if it's not it is now) of dollar beer to create the closest thing to Heaven on Earth.

If you haven't made it out to Cashman Field for a dollar Beer Night, I highly recommend it. It's the closest thing to a high school/college reunion that an ACTUAL reunion. Every time I go to one of these I end up bumping into another forgotten soul from my past, which makes D.B.N. a must. Oh and have I mentioned THE DOLLAR BEER!!!

If you can't make it out to Cashman, I hope you can make it out to the next event I'll be attending.

Friday April 24th- Karaoke Entertainer of the Year Contest.

That's right folks I have finally gone over board with my love for the Japanese art of Kara-oke and will enter a contest to see if I have the "Chops." For six weeks starting on March 25th different bars around the Las Vegas Valley will host contests to qualify entertainers to go on to the semi-finals. I've already missed the first three weeks due to my extensive karaoke training regiment that took place in the Swiss Alps. There I honed my golden pipes to near perfection and am now ready to take on the world. Well maybe not the world but a whole bunch of American Idol rejects =)

So roll on down to Kerry's Sports Pub, 3520 North Rancho Dr, on Friday April 24th around 8ish to cheer me on to Karaoke fame and a cash prize of $2,000 clams. Week 4 is the Standards category, songs that are 35+ years old and have been sung repeatedly. I've listed my three choices, take a look and tell me which one I should sing.

You're so money you don't even know it,

Funkmaster C.

Choices

1. "L-O-V-E" by Nate King Cole
2. "Come Fly With Me" by Frank Sinatra
3. "Fly Me to the Moon" by Frank Sinatra

Myspace survey

2009-04-17T00:05:00.000-07:00

I've gotten email after email asking for more info about Chris from Candor Corner fame. Well your requests have been answered the following is a survey I posted on myspace jam packed with info. Please to enjoy.

How old will you turn in 2010?
29 -Wow that's insane

Who did you last text?
Jose.

Why did you text this person?
He was complaining about buying reunion tickets, so I had to text slap him.

What were your first thoughts this morning?
Damn shouldn't have slept in, I have a lot to do today

Are you a jealous person?
I believe that I am, but I'm getting better

Is there any meaning behind your profile song?
I have a few profile songs and each one has meaning

Do you believe what goes around comes around?
Oh ya I'm a big believer in Karma the show, "my name is Earl" changed my life.

Is your birthday on a holiday?
It will be, think about it, there aren't any good holidays in August. So I believe that August 8th should be forever known as Awesome Day, where we celebrate all things awesome =)

Would you ever get a tattoo?
I already have a tattoo and I'm itching for another one.

Who was the last person you watched a movie with?
Jose saw Wolverine Origins...Bootleg suckas!!!! *Editors Note* If anyone reading this works for the FBI, the author was joking and in fact never saw the movie in question in bootleg form.

Do you feel comfortable with answering personal questions?
Most of the time I do, I figure that's how we learn about one another.

Are you gonna be home alone tonight?
Whoa Creepy Myspace survey! That's none of your business.

Are you doing anything tomorrow?
Got work, then going over to Bob and Tiff's for a 50's costume party.

Who was the last person who hurt you emotionally?
This Barista at Starbucks, she asked me if I wanted whip cream on my drink I said no and she said good call you don't need it =(

What was the highlight of your day yesterday?
Working with my client.

Have you ever liked someone older than you?
sure have tried acting on it too, but had to break up with her cause she ate dinner too early.

Do you like Red Bull?
I'm a caffeine fiend! Sugar free Red Bull is great and I also like Xyience energy drinks, but nothing compares to ZizzZazz. So go out and but some ZizzZazz today.

When was the last time you had pizza?
Yesterday

When is the last time you cried?
Few weeks ago.

Do you like your music loud or at a reasonable level?
I have good hearing so I don't listen to music very loud.

Are you a forgiving person?
I try to be but some stuff is hard to forgive. Like taking the last oatmeal packet. I'M TALKING TO YOU FRANK!!! =)

Who was the first person you talked to today?
Ryan Fluffmaster Flynn

Have you lost contact with someone you wish you didn't?
ya a few someones we just grew apart.

Have you ever kissed someone whose name began with R?
I don't think I have

If you could move right now would you?
If I had the cash I would buy a house, people are getting crazy good deals right now.

Is your current hair color mostly your natural hair color?
100% and I don't think I'm going to bleach my hair like I have in years past.

Do you have trust issues?
I think we all do, we were taught as children not to trust strangers and that advice carries over to our adult lives.

How was your day?
I was ok could have been better, but I had to sleep in like a sucker =/

Is anyone on your bad side?
Not really but a couple of people are on the fence and they know who they are.

Do you think boys truly understand girls?
nope and men don't understand women

What were you doing at 1 AM this morning?
Watching the hit TBS series My Boys. Don't judge me I need a girly show in my life.

Closest blue object to you?
rhymes with walls LOL j/k cd case

Have you ever gotten a speeding ticket?
Yup my only ticket ever was a speeding ticket

Is there one person in your life that can always make you smile?
Ya I'm blessed I have two people that can always make me smile. Three if you count when I talk to myself in the mirror.

Do you have your tonsils?
Yes these freeloaders are still with me. Good for nothing tonsils!

Do you get scared easily?
Big time um I mean no.

Happy for today?
7/10 on the happy scale

Do you wish you were somewhere else?
sure do

What was the last pill that you took?
One-a-day men's health

Could you happily survive in a world without music?
eww gross what would I do at 51's games in between innings if I couldn't sing along to the music??

Where will you be in an hour?
in bed asleep I hope

Do you cook?
enough to survive but I wouldn't want to test that theory.

Do you laugh enough?
I laugh enough, but I'd like to laugh more.

Have you ever hugged a complete stranger?
hmm I don't recall, but I guarantee I have

Does seeing couples in love make you mad?
no way love is in the air it's spring.

How much music do you actually listen to?
A lot

When was the last time you were complimented?
this afternoon

Is there a high chance of you going out to the movies soon?
Ya I want to go this weekend to see, "I love you man" so if anyone's interested hit me up on the cell

Are you easily scared by horror/thriller films?
yes that's why I don't watch them.

If you were given $100 would you save it, or spend it?
it's $100, I'd spend it

Where are you right now?
home watching Letterman filling out this incredibly long survey.

Could you date someone taller then you?
I hope so, the real question is could she date someone shorter than her??

Do you have the same name as any of your relatives?
I do not

Are you afraid to grow up?
Yup that's why I topped out at 3'10'' =)

Are you mean?
Most of the time I'm not, but I do have a mean streak.

How was your New Years?
It was great. Went to Christine and Brian's for a toga/crazy wig party.

Getting your hair cut anytime soon?
next week

Want something you can't have?
I often covet lol

Do you believe in young love?
NO WAY THAT WILL GET YOU 20 YEARS!!!!! No young love for me thanks.

Do you know how to drive a stick shift?
nope I need to learn, who wants to teach me?!?!

What is the weather like today?
it was fair...like our prices LOL awww I miss research =/

Own bright colored underwear?
yes, lots

Have you ever seen someone fall down stairs?
no but I fell down my fair share of stairs.

The most wonderful time of the year

2009-04-05T17:44:00.000-07:00

There are many words that make me smile when I hear them; Hey handsome, free beer, pizza's here, are among them, but the two words that get me smiling more than any other are, Opening day. That's right kiddies another season of Major League Baseball is upon us. Along with the new season, new hopes and new dreams begin as well. On the opening day of baseball everybody's team is in first place. There are thirty team with a chance to win the World Series. On opening day the fan's mind wakes from a five month hibernation and believes anything is possible.

But as baseball fans we soon remember that opening day is the start of a marathon and only the best of the best will make it to the finish line we call October. As baseball fans know, part of what makes baseball great is trying to predict what teams will win their respected divisions. That is what I will now do, the following is my predictions on who will win what this baseball season...Please to enjoy.

Everyone and their baseball loving Mother is talking about how much the Oakland Athletics improved in the off season and how there will be a new AL West champ this year. Well I'm here to tell you that they are sadly mistaken. The AL West will once again go the Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim. Even though the Angels lost out on the Teixeira sweepstakes they still have enough firepower with Guerrero, Hunter, and Abreu to win the west.

The AL Central Crown will be up for grabs all the way to the end. With a little luck all five teams could win this competitive division and it will make this division fun to watch all season long. If I had to choose, and I do =) I'd take the Cleveland Indians to squeak by the Minnesota Twins. The big question marks for the Indians will be whether V. Mart and T. Haftner be the players of a few years ago or are they on their way to washedupville??

As much as this hurts me to say, I'm going to take the Yankees in the East. New York was clearly the big winner this off-season with the signings of Teixeira, Burnett, and Sabathia. Oh and don't forget about getting Chin Ming Wang for a complete season and what he'll bring to the rotation.

The AL Wildcard will come out of the East and it will be in the form of a Sox and not a Ray. The Boston Red Sox will win the Wildcard due to the fact that they have a team littered with all-stars and the strongest pitching staff in the AL.

Mannymaina returns to LA and with it comes the NL west divisional title. As Manny's demeanor goes so does the Dodgers. If Manny stays happy, so do the Dodgers. Some pundits believe that the Dodgers starting rotation is iffy, but I think the Dodgers starting five will do just fine.

Now I could give you reason after reason why I unbiasedly think the Chicago Cubs are a lock for their 3rd consecutive divisional title, but no matter what evidence I show, people will still think I'm being a homer and I'm just picking them because I'm a fan. So I'm not going to waste my time and just say, Cubs Rule All!

The Philadelphia Phillies will take their first step in defending their World Championship by winning the NL East. Even though I do like the Phillies, history tells us that this is the year of the Marlin. The Florida Marlins won their first World Series title in 1997, then their second in 2003, clearly they are on pace to win a WS title every six years. Well it's 2009 so if I was a betting man, I'd bet the farm on the Marlins.

To conclude my 2009 Playoff predictions the New York Mets will win the NL Wild Card. They stack up well against any other NL team, but don't have the pitching to win the East outright.

Calvin got a job!

2009-03-31T18:08:00.000-07:00

Hello hello. I know it's been awhile since my last post but a lot has been going on since then. Most of my time has been occupied by watching team Japan defend their title in the World Baseball Classic, Nepan Japan!!!! Also I've been busting my hump looking for a job. Glad to say hard work pays off. After four months of swinging my axe at the unemployment tree, it finally fell. Today I was offered a position at Majestic Behavioral Health as a Basic Skills Trainer/After School Program Staff, yes I know it's quite a mouthful.

Basically I help children with behavioral issues learn basic skills, help them with home work, and be kind of a mentor to them. Orientation is next Tuesday, so I'll be sure to keep you posted on how that goes. I don't know if I'm excited or nervous about the new position, but a wise man once told me that excitement and nervousness are the same emotion labeled differently, so I guess in that case I'm excited =)

Thank the Lord I found a job before baseball season started, cause I know my determination will falter once the Cubs start playing.

Keep on Keepin on,

Chris "Gainfully Employed" D.

Round two

2009-03-17T13:37:00.000-07:00

In this corner standing in at an astounding 3 feet 10 1/2 inches weighing in at a robust 116lbs, Chris "Can't Miss" Della Valle! And in this corner weighing a combined weight of 1 1/2 tons, Foods Chris shouldn't be eating!!!!

That's right loyal Candorteers, it is time for me to once again get my eating habits under control and drop a few pounds. In order to do this I'm bringing back Project Sexified.

Project Sexified was developed by a team of Swedish scientists and it's purpose was to help people get away from all the negative thoughts and attitudes when dieting. It was first used in 1894 when the Sweed's shifted from Halibut to Super Models as their main export. The success of P.S. spread into most of Europe by 1948. Germany was the only exception because of Project Sexified's translation into German, Ninsexabloutan, which means No Sex for you. Clearly you can see why it never caught on.

Their are five phases to Project Sexified which have no set timetable for advancement. You body will tell you when it is time to move on, or jump back to the appropriate phase. I've listed the 5 phases below just in case anyone wants to join the project with me.

Thank you and good night.

Phase 1. Be able to walk up the stairs without going into cardiac arrest

Phase 2. Get up and go to the gym at least 4 times a week

Phase 3.The phrase live fat die happy is not acceptable a daily calorie count should be implemented

Phase 4. Cut out unnecessary calories like soda, beer, alcohol, and candy.

Phase5. LOOK AWESOME NAKED

a little pick me up

2009-03-09T19:21:00.000-07:00

So today, much like any other day, I got up at the crack of noon to check my email. Well after sifting through the forwarded blond jokes and funny motivational posters I read an email that stuck with me. I wanted to share it and add a little to it. Hope you enjoy it as much as I did.

HOW TO FAIL (SO YOU CAN SUCCEED) Failure is inevitable - it's part of the learning process, heck it's a part of life. I don't know a single person who learned how to ride a bike without crashing along the way. The key is to fail fast, fail often, and get back up. But remember to GET BACK UP!!!

1. FAIL FAST Once you have a basic understanding of what you're trying to master, you need to take off the training wheels. Don't waste time trying to learn every little detail before you get started...That's called stalling. You're going to learn as much from your first crash as you did from reading the manual.

2. FAIL OFTEN In order to accelerate your learning you need to keep trying. As a result, you're going to fail more often. This sounds bad, but trust me it's a good thing.The more you fail the more you try, which means you're that much closer to succeeding. No matter how outrageous your goal sounds keep at it. The following passage is from Og Mandino's book, The Greatest Saleman in the World...If I stumble I will rise and my falls will not concern me for everyone must stumble often to reach their goal. Only a worm is free from stumble. I an NOT a worm. I am not a sheep. Let others build a cave with their clay. I will build a castle with mine...

3. GET BACK UP The only thing you really need to be profitable, in a job or in life, is PERSISTENCE. It's the common thread that all successful affiliates share. Don't be afraid to try again after you've failed.

"Many of life's failures are men who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up." - Thomas Edison

Woohoo I'm a professional

2009-03-05T19:48:00.000-08:00

So I woke up this morning, well ok this afternoon, to find that someone bought one of my articles that I posted on Helium. Which makes me a professional =) because by definition a professional is anyone who gets paid for a service and I got paid a whopping $5 bucks for my service. If you want to take a look at the little money maker click here -------> http://www.helium.com/items/1284807-comic-book-recommendations-for-people-who-dont-like-comic-books

New Purgatory

2009-02-23T11:03:00.000-08:00

As most of you know I was suppose to be Kansas City for the next 10 days, hanging out with my Dad and Step-mom, recharging my batteries, and coming up with a plan for the next six months. Well sometimes things don't happen the way you want them to. The following is an account of the events of the last three days.

All great adventures I usually have start with a phone call, this one was no different. My Dad and my Step-mom Lucy were going to be flying out to California to pick up a RV that will be used for their 3rd walk across the United States. They called and wanted to know if they swung by Vegas, would Frank and I be interested in driving back with them and spend some time in KC. Always looking to spend more quality time together, I said yes. The four of us left early Thursday morning, with a full tank of gas, 12 boxes of cheese-itz, and not a care in the world.

Everything was going fine until we got past the Hoover Dam and into Arizona. I don't know if it was a mixture of high winds and a 30 year old RV, or this trip was doomed from the start, but when the extra storage compartment blew off the top of the rig, we should have know that we were in for a bumpy ride.

We stopped once to retrieve the shattered remains of the compartment, and then again in Kingman to assess the damage on top of the little RV that could. After Frank and Dad came down from the Brown Behemoth they told us that there was four small holes that needed to be patched. They decided that they would take care of the holes after breakfast. We ate at Cracker Barrel and I hate to say it but...it was the best part of the trip. That's right I said it, eating at a glorified general store was the best part of this trip.

After breakfast and patching up the holes, we were on the road again. Time seemed to stand still as we crawled along at an impressive 50 miles per hour, stopping every chance we could to stretch our legs didn't help matters. At around 6pm that night is when the real fun started. We were about 30 miles from the AZ/NM boarder, yes you read that right, we've been driving for close to 10 hours and were still in AZ, when we heard a loud bang, started to smell something burning, and lost power. We pulled over, popped the hood and saw that the radiator went ka-put. For those who aren't well versed in the mechanical word, Ka-put means, stopped working, or broken.

When driving a 30 year old motor home, these things are expected and being the well prepared people that my parents are they were ready. Whipping out her trusty AAA card Lucy started to dial the road side assistance number. After she hung up, she informed us the coverage they had didn't cover RV's, so they would have to pay for someone to come out and tow us. AND!!!! since we were still in Arizona they would have to send somebody from the nearest Arizona town, 100 miles away, instead of the nearest New Mexico town, which was only 30 miles away. Oh and did I mention that the tow company changes by the mile =(

After the tow truck journeyed over 100 miles to get us they towed us to Gallup New Mexico, or what I'd like to call Hell on Earth. If you've been lucky enough to have never been to Gallup A.K.A. the Devil's Armpit, I'll give you the lay of the land. It has one main road, which failed to have sidewalks, 13 versions of Motel 6, Augie's Automotive, a Taco Bell, and a truck stop.

The tow truck guy dropped off the RV at Augie's and was nice enough to take us to Motel 6, where we got a room and crashed for the night. The next morning my Dad walked down to Augie's and let them know the situation. Augie and his automotive minions didn't know how long it was going to take for them to get parts for a 1970 something GM RV, so we were stuck...in Gallup...without transportation...in Gallup...for God knows how long...in Gallup...confined to a one room hotel...in Gallup.

We were hoping to get out on Friday, because Dad and Lucy had a presentation in St. Louis on Sunday. If you have no idea what I'm talking about click here http://christwalk.us/ to learn more.

One option was to rent a car, drive up to St. Louis, do the presentation, then drive back. We called the only two car rental place's in Gallup, A.K.A. Slidell of the West, but they not only charged by the mile they charged $10 for every state you went through. Another option was to fly outta Albuquerque and pick up their car in Kansas and drive to St. Louis. Ticket prices were outrageous, so that was out of the question. There was no way to get out of Gallup, A.K.A. Alcatraz of the desert, the presentation was shot. It felt like I was in the movie, Groundhog's Day, trapped in a Podunk little town, and everyday felt the same.

Our mornings consisted of getting up, walking 3/4 mile to either Taco Bell or TA Truck Stop for breakfast, watching Law and Order, and sleeping hoping to wake up and realize this was all a bad dream.

Our Afternoon's and Evening's consisted of snacking on whatever we salvaged from the RV, watching Law and Order, and sleeping hoping to wake up and realize this was all a bad dream.

Late Friday Augie's informed us the the RV wouldn't be ready until sometime Monday, which meant we were here til Wednesday =( This news would be a blessing in disguise for half of the prisoners. Frank had to be home before Wednesday for school, and was planning on flying out of KC early anyways. In an act of love, a love only a parent knows, our Dad suggested we call someone to come get us. "WHAT...We were being paroled, what did we deserve to get released on good behavior?" Was what ran through my mind the second he was done suggesting it.

I felt bad at first I figured we were all in this together, but Dad and Lucy both assured us that there was no reason for us to all be here miserable, if there was a chance to take a life line, do it.

So Frank and I called the only person in the world to give up their Saturday and drive 800 miles to come save us...Our Mom. The Calvary came, we said goodbye to our Brother and Sister in Arms, and drove out of Gallup, A.K.A. 3rd level of Hell.

Even though I'm in the comfort of my own home while I write this, I know there are two still in exile, the following message is for you.

Your day is coming soon, even though it seems like the rain's of misfortune will never stop, it will. Your rainbow is coming. Stay strong, don't give up, they may take your cash, but they will never take your FREEDOM!!!!

2009-02-16T01:20:00.000-08:00

Every once in a while I write something that I'm really proud of. This is one of these times. I wrote this a couple of days ago while I was on Helium, the website, not the gas. It tickled me, so I wanted to share it with all of you. If I ever get around to learning how to play my harmonica, I'll even sing it for you. Please to enjoy.

The Morning Coffee Blues

Woke up this morning, groggy as hell
Four nights in a row, that I didn't sleep well
My head feels like it was in a title bout
I hit my alarm, but it was all snoozed out

I got the blues, you know this ain't no news
I got the blues, my heart is one big bruise
And the only thing I know is all I do is lose, I got the blues

Shuffled into the kitchen, my wife waiting for me
Started the yelling, I swear that woman is half Banshee
Said if I don't get a job today
She'll take the kids, with no delay

I got the blues, you know this ain't no news
I got the blues, my heart is one big bruise
And the only thing I know is all I do is lose I got the blues

To start my day I needed to wake myself up
Went to the sink and got my trusty coffee cup
But the pot was empty, just my luck
Shook my head, and said, "guess I'm...screwed"

I got the blues, you know this ain't no news
I got the blues, my heart is one big bruise
And the only thing I know is all I do is lose, I got the blues.

Where have all the Heroes gone?!?

2009-02-07T12:37:00.000-08:00

I woke up this morning to the annoying gong noise my cell phone makes that let me known I had a text waiting. The text was from my friend Corey, a fellow baseball enthusiast and all around nice guy, it said, "Alex Rodriguez tested positive for steroids in 2003." I was crushed after reading this bombshell. I felt as if someone ripped out my baseball sized heart and whacked over the green monster that is my hopes and dreams. At first I thought he was joking, poking fun at arguable the best player in all of baseball. When I turned it on ESPN to see for myself, I knew it was true. I just don't understand, have we slipped so far down morally as a culture that it's harder and harder to find heroes, or people to admire?? It seems to me that every time I turn on the tv I hear about another "superstar" getting caught with there hand in the cookie jar. A-Rod, Barry Bonds, and Roger Clemens in the world of baseball. In the basketball world there's Kobe and Sir Charles with their transgressions. But this moral slip isn't reserved for people in the sports world. "Heroes" in other arenas lack the moral character they once had. Bernie Madoff in the world of finance and I could name at least five government officials that took off their white hat years ago.

I feel like Charlie Brown in his classic Christmas special living in a world that lost it's way. There's a scene where he can't take it anymore and yells at everyone, I feel a Charlie Brown moment coming on, excuse me.

AARRGH!!!! WHEN DID WE STOP DOING THE RIGHT THING AS A COUNTRY!?!? WHEN DID WE STOP DOING WHAT'S RIGHT AND STARTED DOING WHAT WE FELT LIKE!!!!! LIFE IS BLACK AND WHITE, NOT A WORLD OF GREY!!!! DO GOOD, GOOD THINGS HAPPEN! ARRGH!

Ok sorry bout that, what was I saying again? So I ask you where did we go wrong?? How can we get this country back on track? Will there ever be a time when I won't fear picking up a magazine or turning on the television because I'll have to hear about another American Titan's skeletons.

Good Grief

It takes a village

2009-02-05T19:30:00.001-08:00

The following is an urgent message written by CandorCorner's own...Chris Della Valle

Help I need somebody, not just anybody, Heeellllllpppp!!! Sorry I had that song stuck in my head all day and the only way for me to get rid of it was to pass it along to you. In all seriousness I do need your help. As you know I've been unemployed for over two months now and was doing my best to stay on top of my game when it came to looking for work. Today I took a turn for the worst, I got bitten by the lazy bug or the inactiveus sittingonbuttus if you prefer the Latin name. For the first time in a long time I didn't do anything to help my situation, and I'm nervous that it might happen again.

What I need from you is to keep me accountable. Ask me if I did anything productive today, and if I didn't give me a healthy dose of crap. Remember a body at rest tends to stay at rest, and a body in motion...well you get the idea.

LET'S KEEP THIS GUY IN MOTION!!!

CLD

Weekend wrap up

2009-02-02T00:41:00.000-08:00

Had a jam packed weekend and I wanted to share the highlights.

-Friday- Went to the movies to see Taken with Cody. I highly recommend the movie, Liam Neeson performance just bumped him up into the top ten actors that play B.A.'s in movie history (yes I know the name needs work and I have my staff working on it) I don't want to give away too much of the movie, but everyone involve gets theirs I'm going to go out on a limb and say that Taken is the feel good movie of '09 =)

-Saturday- Since my usual Superbowl plans were cancelled, WTG Bob and Tiff! How dare you put family before football. My buddy and I decided to impose ourselves upon our friends in Pahrump. So what planned to be a relaxing Saturday turned into five of Vegas' finest crammed into Brian's car, heading to Podunk U.S.A. and my relaxing Saturday turned into a party fit for rockstars. Highlights included, Frank getting "carsick" and throwing up an astounding four times, learning the true origin of the Murphy bed, Jack going on a trip, and steak.

-Sunday- Superbowl XLIII (that's 43 for my Nevada school system graduates) was everything it was cracked up to be. Even though I wanted the Arizona Cardinals to win, it wasn't meant to be. Congratulations to the Pittsburgh Steelers on winning their sixth Superbowl which is the most in NFL history. I also want to thank Casey for giving me the hot tip of betting over 87 1/2 yards receiving by Mr. "All day Everyday" Anquan Boldin.

Hope your weekend was just as awesome as mine.

-Chris

P.S. 12 more days til pitchers and catchers report =)

Countdown to N-day

2009-01-28T22:38:00.000-08:00

Hello fellow Candoreans! Wanted to hop on and let you know what's happening in the wonderful world of me. Well a few weeks ago Frank, my brother, decided that our bathroom was out dated and needed to be brought into the 21st century. I know a thing or two about Home Improvement, I watched the show for six years, and I knew it wasn't going to go as smoothly as Frank had hoped. He told me that it would only take four days to replace the tub, toilet, and re-tile the whole thing! Not doubting my brothers skills, but his motivation I knew there was no chance of getting the job done in four days. So as the great older brother that I am, smelling blood in the water, I started goading and prodding him until he made a bet with me, and with little effort I succeeded. We didn't bet money, partly because I'm broke and partly because what we did bet is worth oh so much more. I bet him that he couldn't completely finish the bathroom in 10 days, and if he didn't I get to kick him square in the N*TS. Now this big for me on so many levels. Any chance I get to inflict harm on Frank without suffering repercussions is a win in my book. Usually when I hit him I end up on my back praying that I blackout before he gets the tweezers. Yes I might seem more cultured that the average older brother, but deep down all brothers want to kick there siblings in the "cash and prizes." I don't know where it comes from, but it's hardwired into our DNA. I leave you with a collection of groin kicks to show you that brothers have been engaging in this activity for decades. Now if you don't mind I just heated up enough water to fill up plastic tub and I need to wash up.

Livin' Like It's 1809 Ya'll!

CLD

To all you fellow writers out there

2009-01-22T18:29:00.000-08:00

HELLO ONLINE BUDDIES! IT'S GREAT TO BE HERE TONIGHT TO BLOG YOUR FACES OFF! As some of you know I've been all over this crazy place called the interweb, blogging here, posting there, trying to spread my awesomeness to every corner of the web. But it's always great to get back to me roots and blog where it all started, here on the corner, Candor corner.

Seriously though there are sites that actually pay you to blog. I frequent a few but my favorite has to be Helium.com. This site has a lot going for it. There I can pick a topic and then just let my muse do the typing. There are over 50 channels to choose from. They vary from arts and humanities to travel. I signed up about two week ago and already wrote five articles. After the articles are posted fellow Heliumites compare your article to others in the same category and then rate who's is better. If you get enough positive responses, Helium boosts your overall rating and then pays you to blog. You only get a few pennies at first but you get more per article as your rating goes up.

Another way you can earn some much needed greenbacks, is to checkout the marketplace section on Helium.com. There people post writing jobs they need filled, you write them, and if they pick yours, you get paid! It's just that simple. If you want to check out what I wrote go to helium.com and search for Christopher Della Valle articles. I use my full name cause it sounds more official.

If you've been bitten by the writing bug, I do suggest checking Helium out.

Peace Out,

CLD

Green Backs and Clams

2009-01-13T18:53:00.000-08:00

Department of Employment Training and Rehabilitation in other words, job purgatory! Today I had my first and hopefully last experience at the D.E.T.R. I had to get some things cleared up before I started collecting unemployment. Well six and a half hours later I got everything settled. The worst part was the waiting, the feeling that you could do absolutely nothing to speed up the process. Even now, hours after my ordeal, I still have lingering effects of the unemployment office. The only way I'll be able to shake the feeling of this day is to write about it. While I was waiting for my name to be called I found an old copy of Dr. Seuss' classic, "Green Eggs and Ham" lying on top of the kids bin. Being a public copy, and an old one at that, half the pages were missing, but while I thumbed through I remember the gist of the book. I will now try to recreate my day at the D.E.T.R. the way Dr. Seuss would. Remember I'm still traumatized from this experience, so be kind =)

I do not like the D.E.T.R. that's a fact!
The place smelled bad, and sure was packed
I waited, and waited, and waited so long
I thought I would perish, without a swan song

I do not like the D.E.T.R. this you all know
But I couldn't leave, cause I needed my dough
I gave the lady my name and waited some more
she called many names, but I was ignored

I do not like the D.E.T.R. my patience grew thin
At last my name was called and I hopped up with a grin
Six hours did pass, we fixed what was needed
I ran from that place, I felt so defeated

I do not like the D.E.T.R. as you can clearly see
One trip there and you too will agree.

Peace!

With Great Mustache Comes Great Responsibility

2009-01-09T11:58:00.000-08:00

I have been blessed with many gifts, my boyish charm, razor-sharp wit, superior immune system, but one thing that eludes me is the ability to grow a mustache. Sure I can grow a goatee, but whenever I try to grow a companion for my chin-fro, people ask me one of two questions, "hey how was that chocolate milk?" or "dude what is that, dirt??" After a few years of trying to grow the elusive Stache, I realized it was a lost cause, so I cursed the heavens and tried to get on with my life, even though my upper lip was naked.

Years went by and I came to terms with my lot in life, I found other facial hair impaired Americans that felt my pain. I joined a support group and even helped others from chasing the "furry caterpillar." I also wrote a series of articles for Baby Face monthly entitled, "Unfurrgetable: Life doesn't stop at the lip."

Recently I had the opportunity to go undercover as a Mustached American, to live in their world, and to see what I've been missing all these years. A team of special effects technicians, a group of holy men, and Tom Selleck were called in to do the impossible. After hours of work this was the finished product...not to bad if I do say so myself.

Due to legalities, and government clearance issues, I'm not at liberty to tell you everything I experienced as a mustached American, but I will give you a brief overview. Popeye eating his spinach, Superman and the yellow sun, even Barry Bonds and HGH, couldn't compare to the power I felt when I wore a stache. Food tasted better, the air smelled fresher, synapses fired more quickly, everything in my body seemed to be working at a faster pace.

Having the complete package was more than I could image, but soon it was too much to handle. It was like the mustache was taking control, I'm not going to stay it was cursed, but I do believe my mustache, and mustaches in general have a mind of their own. I found myself doing things I wouldn't normally do, I bought a large gold chain, leased a BMW, and worst of all popped my collar. What was most peculiar was that I started sounding different, at the time I didn't know what I was doing, but when I heard the recordings I knew had to break free of the menace attached to my upper lip. I sounded like a cross between Borat and Pepe le Pue.

Now that I've had a few days to reflect on my experiences I'm thankful that I'm not burdened with that kind of power. There's a constant struggle between good and evil when wearing a mustache. Do you think it's a coincidence that all the villains from 1920's silent movies wore mustaches?? I wonder if Yosemite Sam shaved, would he be such a sourpuss?? Would Geraldo Rivera be such a pain in the a$$ if he was clean shaven?

Now I'm not saying that all Mustaches Americans are evil, some were born with such high moral character that they're able to have the mustache work for them. Jason Giambi, Hulk Hogan, and Mark Spitz harnessed the power of the Stache and went on to do great things.

In my case it was too much power too fast. From now on I'll let nature take it's course and if I'm meant join the ranks of Mustached my lip will let me know.

Stay strong my Facial hair impaired Americans, our day will come,

Chris D.

Evil Doers Beware...

2009-01-04T14:11:00.001-08:00

Because there's a NEW Dynamic duo in town. Frank and I help apprehend a person who was up to no good. Let me explain...

We were on our way home from watching the Dolphins get the crap kicked out of them by the Ravens (I don't want to talk about it the wound is still too fresh) and we both felt something strange in the air that afternoon. Most of the ride home was uneventful, but that all changed when we turned down Rainbow, one of our cross streets. The very first house we passed has been up for sale for over three month, so we found it most peculiar to see someone climbing through the living room window. Well apparently Frank's "Spider-sense" went off because he told me, "Dude I think that guy just broke into that empty house." Never turning down a potential adventure I agreed, and suggested that we call the "non-emergency" emergency number. So with the reflexes of 30 men, I flipped a U-turn and sped to the scene of the crime.

By the time we got there, Frank already had somebody on the phone, We no longer saw the suspected Cat-burglar, so we had to rack our brains when the dispatcher asked us to describe the person in question. We did the best we could but one piece of info that was rock solid was the address. The dispatcher thanked us for our diligence and said that they'll call us if they needed anymore info. Feeling that we did our good deed for the day, we retired to our Castle of Solitude, putting the whole ordeal behind us. Little did we know that for one person, there would be no gold at the end of his Rainbow.

...FAST FORWARD 30 MINUTES...

Frank's phone rang and it was somebody from the police department saying that they caught the person coming out of the house fitting the description that we gave. Now I'm not saying that we're both going to quit our jobs and go into crime fighting full time, but I am saying that the people of Las Vegas should no longer fear the coming of the night, because from now on, evil will have something new to fear.

TEAM DV

Feelin' fine in 2009

2009-01-03T13:36:00.000-08:00

It's been a while since my last post and my large fan base showed their concerns in a variety of ways. One couple in Arizona, hired a skywriter to write, "we need more!" over my house. Another man in Texas refused to eat until I hopped back on and wrote a new blog. I'd also like to give a shout out to the people picketing my house with the most creative signs I've seen in a while. Signs like, "Can't Do w/o Candor," and my favorite, "We Miss Chris." The list goes on, but whatever the reason, I'm back and in full effect =)

To start off the new blog season I wanted to share my New Year's Resolutions with you. I've always made resolutions, but rarely kept them. Last year was the first time I actually kept one. This year instead of making one I'm going for three, hey it worked for Alexandre Dumas, I figure it can work for me.

1) Continue to stay healthy-This resolution will be with me for the rest of my life, I will continue to stay active and eat healthy. I feel like I'm a recovering drug addict, where at anytime I can fall back into my old habits. "Hi my name is Chris and I'm addicted to the snooze alarm." I need to stay on the offensive when it comes to my health, because laziness has some very good spies that can infiltrate my life and convince me to make the wrong choices.

2) Forget the job, and start work on a career-This resolution is going to be my hardest one. For some time now I've been out of work and everyday that I'm not employed, I get that much closer to panicking and taking a job I'd regret. I need to stay focus and make educated decisions when it comes to future job prospects. I also need to stop looking for jobs I can do, and start looking for jobs that I'd LIKE to do =)

3) Compliment/Encourage someone/somebody seven or more times a day-I can't wait to start this one. This forces me to do a couple of things, the most important one being...THINK BEFORE I SPEAK. Every encounter gives me a chance to uplift someone, and in the past I wouldn't take it. By making this resolution, it gives me a chance to look for openings to where I can say something to someone instead of saying nothing, or even worse say something I'll regret later. It also gives me a chance to start looking for the good in people. It's easy to see the good in some people, but in others you really got to look. But when you do find it, man it's like finding a quarter in a fountain. It's surprising and it puts a smile on your face.

I hope you have taken the time to think of some of your own resolutions, good luck and have fun with them.

Feelin' Fine in '09

Chris

P.S. Don't judge me, I know we've all taken some change outta a fountain...I mean come on gas was up around three bucks a gallon!

P.P.S. If you are in the minority and haven't taken anything out of a fountain, I'd like to say...YOU SHOULD TRY IT, MAN WHAT A THRILL!!!!!!!!

one page bio

2008-12-26T13:10:00.000-08:00

Hello, hello. I hope everyone's Christmas was as awesome as mine. I wanted to share something with you that I'm proud of. Early today I applied for a job and they requested a one page bio in addition to my resume. The following is what I wrote them...Please to enjoy.

Enclosed you will find my resume, but also would like to tell you a little about myself. People would call me a jack-of-all-trades and a master of some =) They mostly call me that because I pay them to, but it also has to do with the experiences I've had. Early on in my college career I found that with a Communications degree I could do so many things, so I decided not to stick to one area, but to sample from the buffet of media.

The Adventures of Chris Della Valle, that's me by the way, started in early 2000's when he attended the Community College of Southern Nevada as a doe eyed freshman with the world on a string, and not a care in the world. Deciding not the follow in the family trade, both parents have teaching degrees, Young Della Valle set out to make it rich in the world of broadcasting. Little did he know about the perils of the broadcasting world, but that is a story for another time. While attending CCSN Chris worked at the Coyote Press where he mostly wrote movie reviews, but occasionally got the call to do a feature or two. His love for Journalism carried over when he graduated from the minors, and transferred to UNLV. There the young wordsmith got the opportunity to write about what he loved, that of course being sports. Anything and everything sports related fell in the lap of Chris. From swimming and softball, to Baseball and Basketball, Della Valle reported on them all.

Graduating from UNLV in the summer of '06, the newly crowned Communications Ace, decided to devote his time to another area of media, and turn his back on the printed word. He started work full time at CBS radio, there Chris soaked up everything people were willing to teach him. He learned so much and had a few adventures while working there as well, but once again that is a story for another time. The marriage of Chris and Radio was a happy one, and he thought that was where the story ended.

It didn't. Like most marriages, Chris' ended in divorce just over a month ago. Reeling, the once Communications Ace, was in disarray, not knowing what to do. but then a friend from the past decided to pay him a visit, that friend being the printed word. Dusting off his keyboard and thesaurus, Chris decided to take another crack at print media.

No one knows what the future holds for Chris Della Valle, but one thing’s for sure, it will be interesting.

The End

Hopefully you got as much a kick reading this as I did writing it. If you have any question my resume has my contact info. I'm looking forward to hearing from you.

-Chris Della Valle

Clash of the Titans

2008-12-22T14:07:00.000-08:00

12 rounds of baseball

Most people ask me, "Chris what's the big deal with baseball? I mean it's not that exciting, and you and your friends sound like a bunch of nerds when all you do is talk about stat after stat. Who care about who won the N.L. MVP in 1973. It's just a game." Well my friends, let me let you in on what it's like to be a baseball fan. First off, if you think baseball is just a game please stop reading now. Not this blog, but reading in general, with your lack of brainpower, imagination, and focus, books with pictures in them would be more your speed.

But to the droves and droves of educated people out there, who know that baseball is the sport of kings, the following explanation is for you. Being a baseball fan, is like being a boxer. Both have to constantly keep their guard up against outside attacks from others looking to put their skills to the test. A boxer spends countless hours training in the ring, going over combination after combination. Perfecting his jab, uppercut, and when all else fails, his hay maker. And it's no different for a baseball fan, our gym is the baseball stadium, our ring is the box score, our 12 ounce glove is the four letter word...STAT.

Just like the boxer, the baseball fan works on combos that will leave his opponent dazed and speechless. And just like the boxer, the baseball fan has weaknesses, holes in his game if you will, that needs to be guarded at all times, or he risks losing the argument as well as his dignity.

Some fans, no matter how strong their game is, can't defend against their glaring weakness. It's like being a boxer with a glass jaw. The best you can hope for is to take down the opponent as quick as possible, before they can land a punch to the jaw, or adopted the code of the wild, only take on opponents who's ability is far inferior than their own, I call it the Wounded Gazelle approach.

Sad to say, that no matter how strong my game is, and believe me it's strong, I'll always end up on the losing end of a decision because of my glass jaw...The Chicago Cubs. Until the Cubs win a championship, all opponents have to do is land one hay maker to the park of my jaw that has, "100+ year title drought" tattooed on it and I fold faster than Superman on laundry day.

I guess until that happens, I'll have to continue to prey upon gazelles so look out Washington National and Seattle Mariner Fans.

Merry Christmas,

Chris "Bleedin Blue" Della Valle

P.S. Pete Rose won the MVP in the N.L. in 1973

Let it snow let it snow...

2008-12-15T22:27:00.000-08:00

Holy Frozen Ice sickles Bat-man! It's snowing in Vegas. For that last couple of days I've been receiving Intel that Jack Frost has broken through the northern Nevada defenses and planned a massive attack on the Las Vegas valley code-named "powdered doughnut" for sometime Monday morning. I've heard this crazy talk before, so I didn't put too much stock into what I heard. But to my surprise I woke up this morning with a higher level of apprehension than I usually do. After wiping the sleep from my eyes I picked up my phone to check my messages. "You have 12 new messages," a flirtatious robotic voice informed me, the first one was from my brother,Frank. "Chris whatever you do, Do NOT go outside! I woke up this morning and took a look outside and all I saw was a blanket of pure white. I don't know what to do man! Call me back."

Dropping my phone to the ground I climbed on my bed to take a look outside, the other messages could wait, I had more important things to look into. How could I allow this to happen? Why wasn't I more diligent in keeping Vegas safe?? Has it been so long since my first run in with a low pressure system? Have I really forgotten the El Nino incident of 1997*?? As I peered through my blinds, I realized my worst dreams coming true.

Snow...Everywhere.

I could feel the cold boney fingers of winter crawling through the window pane and poking me in the face and I knew that it was only going to get worse. At least 1" of frozen foot solders on the ground, and I watch thousands upon thousands parachuting in to join their cold compadres. It was hard to tear myself away from the window, but I knew I couldn't sit here and watch my beloved city be overrun by and army of arctic assassins, I had to do something.

After taking a long hot shower, I figured I should at least be warm and comfortable one more time before going into battle, I called Frank, *Ring* *Ring* "Come on Frankie, answer the damn phone." As soon as the words left my mouth I heard the phone click over to voicemail, "You've reached Frank the Tank, leave a message." Ok Not Good, I need to get out there and look for him, was the only thing racing through my mind as I heard that oh so familiar beep, and hung up the phone.

If I was to get out there and find my brother, I was going to need to arm myself, but would the weapons in my

armory still work?? I haven't used them in over 10 years, I guess a part of me, a big part, never wanted to have to use them again.

Walking out the the armory a.k.a the garage I took a quick mental inventory of what I was going to need. As I opened the door to the armory, I could feel the sub-zero breath of my adversary engulf me. This is going to be harder than I thought, J.F.'s powers are getting stronger and stronger, and I'm way out of practice.

Taking a deep breath I stepped into the armory determined not to stop until I found my brother, or froze trying. My courage slowly starting coming back when I saw that my snow blower still had a half a tank of gas. This is the most valuable piece of my equipment in my fight against Jack Frost and his frosty forces. My shovel still looked like it could dish out some punishment. And I knew luck was on my side when I found my bandoleer with a dozen salt grenades in them.

Now that I'm fully equip, I want to leave a message to the outside word, warning all that reads this how to protect themselves and their loved ones from J.F.

-Layers- Layers are important to protect you from the bitter cold as well as the water dispelled from the bodies of the fallen. If you do it right, the fallen will be many.

-A red Santa Hat- Wearing one will confuse J.F.'s air forces. They will mistake you for Santa Himself.

-A full bladder- Recent studies show that by turning the snow yellow, the forces become paralyzed and show signs of cowardice.

If I don't make it, tell Jessica Alba I love her.

"Snow" no mercy,

Chris "bowl full of jelly" D.

*El Nino incident of 1997- To show his power, El Nino decided to make an example of Las Vegas' Champion. With his mystical powers of high and low pressure systems, and sudden warm and cold front, he was able to get past the immune system and harm Las Vegas' champion, Chris D. Not able to crush the spirit of C.D., El Nino signed a treaty with Mayor Goodman saying that he and his forces stay away from Las Vegas, for no less than 15 calender years.

Love attacks Saturday

2008-12-06T19:57:00.000-08:00

L.O.V.E it's just not my favorite Nat King Cole song, but it's something much more. If we loved unconditional, without letting our bias, prejudice, fear, get in the way this world would be in much better shape.

Before I get into the meat of what I want to talk about let me add this precursor...I am not a biblical scholar, what I know about the good book, I've learned from my pastor, Dad, the little amount I actually read, and the bible category on Jeopardy. So some of the following stuff, might be a little messed up, but the message is still there. Do you remember playing the telephone game when you were younger?? Where you and your friends would sit in a line and one person would whisper a phrase into the ear of the person next to him/her and so on until the message reached the last person in line, and you ended up with something that didn't have anything to do with the original phrase. Like "He has risen" turned into "the bread has raisins" Ya I'm not that bad, but don't put it past me to throw in a few raisins =)

Now that I posted my disclaimer, back to the topic at hand. Somewhere in the bible a dude asked Jesus, what was the most important commandment? And JC basically said, Love God and Love your neighbor like you love yourself.

CAN YOU BELIEVE IT!?!? It's just that simple, but others (myself included) complicate the heck out of it. Everything else would fall into place if we followed these two commandments wholeheartedly. You wouldn't want to murder yourself, you would totally honor your Mother and Father, cause you totally honor yourself. Theft, coveting, and all those other ones I can't remember would be a piece of cake to follow all because you'd treat others the way you wanted to be treated.

It's funny all I can picture while I'm writing this is the earth populated with 6 billion Chris Della Valle's. Yes, I know a scary thought to some, but I can't help but smile.

So my challenge to you, if you're up to it, starting right now, treat others as you would your clone. If you don't know what I'm talking about, rent Multiplicity starring Micheal Keaton, or read Amazing Spider-man issues 534-553.

When you're in the checkout line at the grocery store, picture yourself as cashier, how would you brighten up your own day.

The next time somebody cuts you off, and you know it's coming, picture yourself driving the car that cut you off. You know if you ever cut someone off, yes there's a first time for everything, you would have a good reason.

I'm going to start taking my own advice and I'll keep you posted on how living on planet Chris is working out.

Check your zipper,

Chris Della Valle

P.S. I don't actually know the exact issues of Spider-man's clone saga, I not that big a nerd =)

Stuffed Turkey

2008-11-30T20:10:00.000-08:00

Man O' Man Did I over do it this Thanksgiving. Before I talk about how much I ate and how many Miles I'm going to have to walk to burn off the 2nd slice of pumpkin pie, extra helping of stuffing, and 3rd slice of pumpkin pie =) I want to explain why Thanksgiving is my favorite "big time" holiday and what I'm thankful for.

For me, Thanksgiving is the only time a year when my family can get together and just "enjoy" each other's company. With Christmas, even though the reason for the season is great, I often find myself worrying about if i got the right presents for my family, and hopefully I didn't leave anyone off my Christmas list.

With Thanksgiving, all I have to worry about is if i put enough garlic in the garlic mash. This holiday was exceptional great because we kept it small, no pun intended, and we all had a part in preparing the feast.

What I'm thankful for:

-Family. (immediate and extended) For better or worse they shape us into who we are, and I think they made and continue to make me better.

-Health. I know this is a generic thing to be thankful for, but it's true. Too many people around me are going through medical stuff that really makes you stop and think.

-My razor sharp wit. Trust me it's there, you just have to look hard it's razor thin =)

-Not being born in Boston. Cause I would have been a Red Sox Fan. Also if I was a Bostonian I could wave bye-bye to the wit.

Hope your Thanksgiving was as great as mine.

-Chris

P.S. Just in case you were wondering, I DID use the right amount of garlic in the Mash taters.

Three Little Birds

2008-11-23T15:42:00.000-08:00

Yes i know it's been awhile since I've lasted posted but some things have happened that kept me busy until now. "What were those things," you ask. Well my department I was, ya that's right was, working for closed down on Thursday November 20th. My staff and I knew it was coming, but as much as you prepare for something, it still comes as a shock when it actually happens. So needless to say I've been a little preoccupied, you know with all the drowning of the sorrows and what not.

Now that the dust has settled and the sorrows sufficiently drowned, i can tell you what I've learned, that heaven forbid if you ever see yourself starring down the barrel of the termination gun, might help you get through it.

One, when they say, "it's just business," that's what they mean. My staff and I did our duties, we didn't underperform in any way, but when the company needs to cut costs, little luxuries are the first to go. My department made it through four rounds of cutbacks, so I was confident that we would have made it to the "big money round" but it was either cut Research, or pay the power bill =) POWER TRUMPS RESEARCH EVERY TIME.

Two, The only way to make sure you're indispensable to the company, is to make it your company...In other words, work for yourself. Little things like tenure and loyalty mean bupkiss, when talking about the bottom line. If you have the drive, and will power, work for yourself, start your own business. Then the only way you lose your job is if the company goes under.

Finally, Leave on a high note. I never understood why people made a scene when getting laid off/fired/getting the axe/being evicted from Jobsville...etc. It doesn't help anybody. Nothing good comes from losing your cool and making a scene. Sure you might feel better in the short term, but you'll soon realize that you acted a fool. Also you let the higher ups off. What I mean by this is, you lead them to believe they made the right choice. "Wow Steve* really blew a gasket, over being let go, I'm glad we got rid of that nutjob," the Fat executive exclaimed as he took a sip from a gold-plated diamond encrusted coffee mug. A decision like that should never be easy on anyone.

Hopefully these tips will be helpful to anyone who happens upon them. In the immortal Words of Bob Marley, "Don't worry about a thing, cause every little thing is gonna be alright."

*Steve is a fictional character that didn't actually get fired, and is not a nutjob.

Conspiracy of the ages finale

2008-11-17T13:06:00.000-08:00

I decided to go a different route on the Conspiracy of the Ages series, and I'll tell you why. I'm over it. It's no longer a big deal, and it comedic value of what/how it happened is fading fast. What I am going to do for the small group of you that wants to know what happened is this, I'll post the Ballad of the Brothers Cane at the end of this blog which will answer all your questions to what happened that faithful night at the Yard House and why I have/had a unsettling fondness for an inanimate object =)

Please to enjoy

Tis the story of the Brothers Cane
All three died, their deaths in vain
They protected a king in a far off land
They steadied his stride in his right hand
But the king’s court did not agree
They shouted, “We must get rid of the Brothers 3!”

The first to go was the eldest Pierre
Who helped the king out of his wheelchair
The court saw this and couldn’t give a heck
So a bald man named Brian Broke Pierre’s neck

The King was crushed, what was he to do?
Without Pierre his adventures were through
The middle Cane brother Lamar told the King
Yo Dawg I’ll help you for some of that bling
The King reluctantly agreed to all this
Which made the King’s court extremely pissed

This time Wang Chung was up to the task
He snatched up Lamar while the King drank from his flask
The King laughed and said Lamar is too strong for you
So Wang Chung broke him in half with some wicked kung fu
Without even thinking the youngest Cane said
“I’ll gladly help you in my brother’s stead”

By now the King was use to all of this crap
And the court couldn’t wait to spring its next trap
The King knew what was coming, spent his time getting buff
He was way more than ready for the fat man named Fluff
But that wasn’t the case for the youngest Cane bro
Because Fluff knocked off his head with one might throw

The King was too tired to continue the fight
He told all his people, “I’ve seen the light”
You did all this stuff cause you care about me
Still the next Cane I get will be as think as a tree.

Conspiracy of the ages part 1

2008-11-14T13:02:00.000-08:00

Nnnnooooooo! Was the only thing I could say as I saw my so called friend, Ryan, hurl my cane down the deserted walkway. My heart raced as poor B-ri bounced head first off a brick wall and came to rest in a flower bed. "What the hell is your problem!" I yelled. "You shouldn't have hit me with him, and it's not like you need him anyways." Ryan exclaimed through a wicked grin. All that was racing through my mind as I struggled down the walkway was why hadn't anyone stopped him?? Sure I might have tapped him with my trusty sidekick, but he didn't have to THROW him. Why hadn't any of my other "friends" stopped him?? Were they all in on the murdering my cane?? Did Ryan pull the short straw so he had to do the dirty work?? For years now over half a dozen of these people I called friends would joke/lecture/discuss that I no longer needed my cane. They thought that it was doing more harm than good. How could something designed for aiding people do more HARM THAN GOOD?!?! Plus B-ri was more than a cane to me, it/he was the reacher of high placed objects, the pusher of vending machine buttons, he was an extension of me. B-ri is to Blanket as I am to Linus so to speak, and now he was lying helpless in a foul smelling flowerbed.

TO BE CONTINUED.

Maiden voyage of the S.S. Chris

2008-11-13T13:14:00.000-08:00

ALL ABOARD!

It's funny, years ago I thought I wasn't the kind of person to keep a journal/diary/blog and on top of that I'd never have one that I would share with the world. But times they are a changin. In the last 6 months or so I've had a burning desire to put pen to pad and write, or in this case finger to keys and type. I don't know if it was one single moment where I decided I needed to write more or if it was many little moments where I found myself saying, "hmm wish I wrote that one down, so-and-so would have like that one."I've tried to hold off as long as I could because I thought no one out there would want to read what I wrote, also what would I write about?? There are half a bajillion sports blogs out there so I don't want to start one of those, I'm not nerdy enough to have a D&D or Comic blog (even though I think it would be a GREAT idea lol but I don't think I could handle all the wed gees) , So I'm taking the Seinfeld approach to blogging...This will be a blog about nothing =) It won't have a common theme, I will jump around from topic to topic, but I can promise you this it's going to be one helluva ride. Hopefully this will quench my typing thirst as well as leading to other opportunities.

Whenever anyone starts something new, be it a business, family, relationship, there should be a kind of mission statement that lays out what is expected from each party. The following is my "mission statement." It's short, sweet, and to the point...Kinda like the writer.

I, Chris Della Valle, being of sound mind and body declare that the aforementioned blog, Candor Corner, be a blog that uplifts, motivates, and entertains anyone who happens upon it. May it be a place that covers anything and everything that interests anyone that happens upon it. Finally may anyone who happens upon this blog find it in any way too emo or depressing, may they find Chris Della Valle and slap him in the face =)

Game On!

Chris "Can't Miss" D.